Potentially Unanswered Question

"Mr. Owl, How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"
"One...Two...Three...Crunch!!! Three."

How many licks DOES it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know.

So there is this really nice girl in my ward. I've known her since September or so. Ever since we were first introduced she has been quite friendly to me. More so than I would have given her credit for based on my initial impression. I've felt like asking her out for a long time, but for various reasons I have not. Mostly I have felt like she is out of my league, on a number of levels. She has always been very friendly, but recently she has seemed more than just friendly. There has been some playful banter, and a little of what I percieve to be flirting. I like the thought of that.

However, it has been observed that she is a genuinely nice person. I am not saying the being genuinely nice is bad, on the contrary I find it to be an asset. But it does make me wonder about what I have been percieving. Am I projecting false intent on her actions, or is it really there? If I was staying in Provo, I could really put this to the test, but I am not. I am leaving in less than a week and will be gone for four months. I have alot to do before I leave. I wonder about trying to put this to the test before I go, but what good will it do me? If I find that I am imagining things, no harm done. But if I find that I am not, there is nothing to be done about it. I can't start a relationship and then leave, and expect that feelings are the same when I return. Neither do I think it wise to change my plans at this point based on the chance that something serious COULD develop. I NEED the money that I can make this summer in Denver. I do not want to jeopardize the chance to go back to school without having to work at the same time. Especially if it weren't to work out. As it stands, I've not been in a relationship that lasted more than 2 months.

And I still think she is out of my league. Not that she is 'high maintenance' in her attitude, but I think she is accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Also, I feel she has it together spiritually, more so than I do at the moment. Not that she is condecending, like I said she is genuinely friendly. But I feel inadequate. Yet I also hate the idea that she may be interested, but because I don't do anything about it now, her interest will wane. Frustration.

The Problem with Cows

I've never seen a purple cow.
I never hope to see one.
But, I can tell you anyhow;
I'd rather see, than be one!

A few years ago, I started performing a little skit. It was meant to be done at a church talent show, but the event was overbooked, and I was too nervous to do it anyway. But I'd worked so hard to get it memorized, that I wanted, needed, to do it for some people. My friends let me subject them to my performance not knowing what they were in store for. Though I messed up a little, it was a resounding success. Or perhaps it has turned out to be a disaster. Not a real disaster, but a "Ha ha, the joke's on you!" kind of thing. It was a success, because everyone loved it. It has proven to be disasterous because...everyone loved it. They wanted me to do it again. They wanted me to do it when they introduced me to new people. They wanted me to do it at parties. I didn't want to be known as the 'cow' guy. So I refused. And when my friends' requests became fervent, so did my refusals. But every once in awhile I would pull it out again. One, because it is a fun skit. And two, because I now have it memorized, so it's easy. But every time, the cycle begins anew. Everyone loves it, so they all want me to do it again. Or they tell people about it who weren't there for the performance. That is the worst. Knowing that it has been hyped up for these people, knowing there is no margin for error. I don't do it at the drop of a hat, but somehow I let myself be talked into doing it again, if only for special occassions. Why don't I learn?

Riding in Car[s] with... Myself

Since I be came the sole owner of my '93 Honda Accord at approximately 4:30pm today, I haven't had the chance to have anyone else in MY car. My dad gave me a car a few years ago, but it was still legally his car. I thought of it as my car, but it was still his. This is MY car and it feels good. Granted there are all the responsibilities that come with it, but that doesn't change the fact that I like it. And it looks nice. I like it better than my old car. It sits higher which is nice, it has a peppy little engine, plenty of room, and it has power everything! Or at least power everything for a '93. The seats aren't powered, but that's about it. I'm going to have to work to keep the interior as nice as it is now. The good news is that alot of the dark smudges I noticed on the exterior will wash off. And I really enjoy the feeling of independence it gives me. I can come and go as I please, which sets my mind at ease in social situations. It allows me to relax knowing that if I want to I can go at any moment, and in relaxing I am more likely to stay. And I don't have to take 'my ride' into consideration. "I'd love to stay and talk, but it looks like my ride is leaving, sorry." It's a real good feeling.

On the Road Again... and Other Thoughts

I will soon be leaving the ranks of transportationally challenged! Hopefully my loan will be approved today and I can take possession of my "new" car on Tuesday. I am purchasing a '93 Honda Accord, 5-speed manual transmission and power everything! The car is in as good of shape as a 14 year old car could be expected to be in. No more bumming rides from people, independence will be nice. And much more expensive, but oh well. Nothing in this life is free, you just have to decide if the price is worth it.

As for the 'Other Thoughts' portion, I just watched a video at my Mom's place called The Secret, and it is all about the power of positive thinking, feeling, and visualizing. But one of the things they talk about is the power of gratitude. That if we find and express gratitude for good things in our lives, no matter how little of those we think we have, more good will come our way. The video talks about a 'gratitude rock' to carry around with you. Not that there is any inherent value in the rock itself, but whenever you feel the rock in your pocket, you think of the things you are grateful for. It reminds me of the 'prayer rock' from Seminary or Primary. You know, the one you put on your pillow so when you go to bed you hit your head and then remember to pray. Then you put it on the floor, so in the morning you step on it and pray before doing anything else. I never really considered the 'prayer rock' as something practical, I'd just put the rock on the shelf and forget about it. But I think I'll try this out.

I was somewhat skeptical of this video, and at first it seemed to be all about taking things into your own hands and not relying on anything, or anyone, else. But while alot of what they talked about left God out of the equation in word, it did not specifically say to take Him out in practice. Just about everything they talked about could be practiced within the framework of religion. So I'm going to try and put some of these things into play, and we'll see what happens.

Rocky Mountain High

That's what I'll be experiencing this summer. I'm going to Denver to install security systems for a company called Northstar. There is potentially a lot of money to be made, but it'll be a lot of work too. The nice thing is that at least $6000 is guaranteed; everything else will be gravy. It'll really be nice to get away from Happy Valley for awhile. After going to a friend's reception just outside of Denver a few years ago, I've fallen for the natural beauty of Colorado. So it will be good to spend some extended time in the area to get a feel for the city, to see if it is a place that I could settle down somewhere down the road. Another place I would like to live is on the east coast, namely Philadelphia. I spent some time there last summer visiting my aunt. I liked the feeling of history there. It's more settled or established out there. The west seems so busy, so new in its cities. They are places where you can feel like you could leave you figerprints on, but eastern cities are more likely to leave their fingerprints on you. I also visited Boston and New York on that trip. Those places really have character. Which is not to say that all western cities feel the same; Salt Lake is very different from Los Angeles, which has a different feel than Seattle. But they still feel a little raw, a little green behind the ears so to speak.

Seeing the Forest Despite the Trees

I like to think I am a spontaneous person, I certainly don't like to plan anything too far in advance. But that's probably just self-justification for a general lack of self control. It certainly sounds better. I like to think that my belief system allows me to see the bigger picture of life, and I guess in an academic sence it does. But for someone who is supposed to have such great perspective, I have a hard time getting past the here and now. A couple of examples; I play a game all the time, it literally consumes my days and has for months. It is moderately entertaining, just enough to keep me coming back day after day, but in the long run I know it means nothing. In fact, in the short run it means nothing. I know I shouldn't play, it keeps me from doing other things with my time, I think it is even affecting my eyesight. But if I were to stop playing, I'd start doing something else that would keep me distracted. It's been the pattern in my life for a long time. It'll be a game, or a book, TV shows, movies, the internet, etc. Some of it benign, some of it bad. The point is that I'll do the things that I absolutely have to do, and then my spare time I fill with something, anything, to keep me distracted. I get in a rut. For someone as self-proclaimed spontaneous as I am, I sure do feel comfortable in a routine. Now I have done some random things in my time, I've picked up and just left a couple of times, did something different for a few months, but I always come back. And even when I am 'gone' the words are the same, they're just played to slightly different music.

Now recently I got this crazy idea to go teach english in Japan, do something really different. What I've found is that it is not real easy, or real legal for someone of my qualifications and financial status to do. There is one program that claims all you need is an ESL certificate for about $1K. But everything else I have found says that you need a Bachelor's, and the certificate is optional. One of the biggest things with the degree is that work visas are most easily procured by those with a degree, or three years experience in a given field. There are some places that will hire 'under the table' so to speak, but I would be looking over my shoulder the whole time. Besides, by the time I pulled together the money for the certification course, airfare, and a month of survival funds I'd have paid for almost two semester's worth of tuition. The thing is, I don't know if I'm being realistic or cowardly. The thought of saving and planning for that kind of thing makes me want to forget the whole thing, despite the fact that I felt really strongly about it when I first had the idea. Add to it that just about everyone I've told thinks it's a great idea makes me rather confused about the whole thing. If I had the wherewithal to go shortly after I had the idea, I probably would have done it.

There is something to be said about going through this recognition of my shortcomings, but why does it always seem like I only do so right before bed? I'll get up tomorrow and crawl out of bed with just enough time to get to work, got through the motions there until I am fed up, and by the time I am home will not be thinking the same thoughts I am now when I have the power to do something about my situation. Oh Bother! Here's to climbing out of my rut in the daytime.

Is it the 'Year of the Cougar'?

The Lunar New Year (AKA Chinese New Year) is fast approaching. For the last 4 years, my friends and I have celebrated, in our own way, Chinese New Year. It usually means staying up all night before our celebration working on our paper mache parade dragon. Then the next night we take the dragon down to BYU campus, parade around the WSC and then go out to a local Chinese restaurant. It is always very fun. Part of our tradition is to do the dragon mixed with the animal whose year it is. This year it is the year of the boar or pig. I forsee it being done in pink.

But I was wondering if perhaps this isn't the year of the Cougar. Only time will tell, but the '06-'07 athletic year is shaping up quite nicely for Cougar fans old and young alike. Major sports like football and basketball are seeing a renaissance of sorts. The football team put up a year that hasn't been seen in these parts for a long time. Basketball too is on pace to one of its better years ever, but that season has yet to play out. So too have the other sports the BYU is known for including: Cross Country, Volleyball ( men's and women's), and Softball. Men's Soccer, though a club sport has improved greatly since joining the semi-professional league.

Instead of a giant pink pig-dragon, perhaps we should do a Dark Blue Cougar Dragon and bring the new lunar year in with a roar!

Go Cougars!