I meet new people every day here in Denver. Everyday another security system to install in another home. I haven't had to install a system for any jerks yet *knock on wood*, though I think most people get concerned when an installation goes much over 5 hours. Most do not go that long anymore thank goodness. I get most done between 4 and 5 hours. That is for our wireless system. Our hard-wired systems take substantially longer. It mostly depends on how well the system is labeled before I get there. If it is not well labeled then it takes really long.
As I was saying I meet a lot of new people all the time. Most are nice, most are interesting. I had one install in an Indian home on Saturday. It smelled so good, like curry. They were watching some channel that was all Indian programming. As I was working, I overheard some music from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai! I mentioned that I had seen that movie and they were very surprised. I had to tell them of my good friend the Masked Mallard and how he is in their home country for the third time. I didn't make any comments on how I felt about the run time of film. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but I still feel if you cut out all the dance/music numbers you will have less than half of the movie. ;)
As for meeting people at church, that is going more slowly. We actually had been going to one singles ward thinking it was the only one in the area. We have since learned that there are several, almost one per stake. Not only did we learn there was others, but that there was one that was much closer to the apartment.
Well, in the first ward we went to, we started to get to know this one group of girls. One of them likes one of us. But her friend and I don't mesh real well. We went over to the friend's house earlier this week, and started working on a puzzle. I started turning all the pieces face up and laying them out in one layer on the coffee table. I work on a puzzle maybe once a year, so I don't know all the secrets of proper puzzle completion. Apparently, you are supposed to remove all the side pieces first without the middle pieces to get in the way. I was separating the side pieces, just keeping all the pieces on the table. The girl gave me a hard time about this, which made me want to push on the way I was going. But when pressed again, I told her she could remove the middle pieces if she wanted. She did not and told me I could continue the way I had been proceeding. At the first she was not an active participant, so I didn't hear too much more on the subject. After about 45 minutes, she decided to sit down and work on it. Again she gave me a hard time about my puzzle method and questioned how often I worked on puzzles. I reminded her that she could remove the middle pieces if she wanted, and again she declined, but she did not drop her criticism. I said we could start over if she wanted, but she said you never restart a puzzle. When she asked if all the edge pieces were out I started to say we had the corner pieces, but stopped myself to say that I thought we did have most if not all of the edge pieces out. But she cut in and ridiculed the fact that we had the corner pieces saying that was only so much help. Now this girl is rather sarcastic most of the time, but I could not tell how much she was joking and how much she was serious. She does puzzles all the time and has the completed ones hanging around her place. So when she made her remark about the corner pieces I had had enough. I felt I was being backed into a corner, and I could only see two situations, bith being unpleasant, but one worse than the other. So I got up and told my friend it was time to go. He thought I was joking, and maybe I was a little. But then she made a remark about my sensitivity, so I really did want to leave. I played my displeasure up higher than it really was, which makes me feel bad. I need to apologize. But I still feel a twinge of offense when I think about the situation. I feel it would be hard not to make some remark about how I felt I was treated.
I think I can forgive and move past this, but I don't particularly want to pursue a friendship with this person. Is that wrong? I feel the situation could continue if I made myself available for more social interaction with her, just based on our personality types. We probably would not have gotten into the situation if we weren't operating in conjunction with our friends. I'm not sure how to remedy the situation.
5 comments:
If you were being rehtorical, you don't have to read all of this. But here are my thoughts for what they're worth.
For starters she sounds like another girl I know who likes to have things done "her way". Wood is pretty good about going along with it, but sometimes I do get too pushy. Point being, I know it happens and it's not fun when it does.
About forgiving and appologizing for anything on your part - absolutely. First of all, appoligizing sets you square with her. Forgiving with fix things the other way, even if she never appoligizes. But if you hold on to the grudge, trust me, it's going to eat at you WAY more then it will eat at her. I've seen too many people hold on to little offenses for too long....it's poison. Seriously. Let it go, and I mean really let it go.
As far as still hanging out with her, that call is up to you. If you can do it and be friendly, great. If not, then don't. It's not wrong to not mesh with someone. There are people I interact with that I try to keep our interactions such that it won't rub me wrong. If it does, I deal with it for the moment then remove myself from the situation when I can. It's one thing to be kind to everyone, but it doesn't mean you have to be their best friend too. But you're still supposed to be kind. And I think you are.
Phew, that's more than an ear full...maybe I should have just posted my own blog! :) Hang in there - you'll find someone that you mesh better with. In the mean-time, are there fun activities going on where you can mesh with lots of people. I always liked those! Good luck, you are great!
I second what Woodine said. I also recommend "The healing Power of Forgiveness" By Pres. Faust from the most recent conference...it speaks directly to your situation.
Good luck! I know it's awful to be in this kind of situation.
A wise woman once told me she spends the exact amount of time with people such that she enjoys their company. So even your best frieds will have limits (though it may be measured in weeks) whereas not-so-best friends have limits more like 45 seconds.
So, your slightly intense puzzle friend can just be one of those people whose company you really appreciate as you pass in the hallway. We're all on the the friendly interaction continuum, it's just that the personality Venn diagram comes up with a thin intersection every now and then.
It is also my experience that doing puzzles is stressful and may have got you off to a bad start; I think "not good at puzzles" and "puzzles make my head explode with frustration" are highly correlated.
Also, also, I've seen a lot of romantic comedies in my day, and based on that evidence (blowing up and walking out on her) => future true love + white picket fences.
I really liked the musicality of Kuch Kuch Hota Hui, or whatever it was called. The singing and dancing were great! (And the wise woman wasn't me, unfortunately, but you probably already knew that.)
And it's true that there is a methodology in doing puzzles. First separate the edges (and corners in particular), making sure you have all of them. Then you put the border together. Then you separate the inside pieces by color scheme. And then you magically fit all the pieces together instantaneously. So you see, it's all about separating the edges... :)
It's not that I just started working on the puzzle. I did separate the edges from the middle pieces, and I did find the corners in particular. I just didn't separate them enough.
Anyways, I talked to her today and apologized. She admitted to consciously pushing my buttons, and mused that she probably should not have seeing as we still hardly know each other. That is something. I was worried that she would have belittled my attempt. And while I do not forsee John's speculation, at least we can be in the same room together without ignoring each other.
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