Painting by Jon McNaughton
Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
The Resurrection
This post was begun before the strike of Christmas Eve, I swear!
Yesterday, I spent the day participating in the funeral services of my mother's business partner. I know that he had health problems that severely limited his way of life and capacity for certain kinds of work near the end of his life. Which it sounds like was really hard for him, since he was such a hard worker.
The services were good. His best friend growing up spoke, as did a friend that he mentored for several years. A recurring theme of the services and in conversations throughout the day was about the work he would be able to accomplish on the other side. And then the work he would be able to do upon the resurrection. No more physical limitations, infinite capacity for activity. No more health problems.
I am grateful for my relative health, but I know that eventually something will start to go wrong. How reassuring it is to know that a time will come for perfection. That illness and ailment will fall away.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tabling Things For Awhile
Why is it easier to talk about things, i.e. feelings for another person, after the potential for a relationship with that person is cut off? I do know why, because there is no more risk involved, there is no more pressure. But why does it have to be that way? Ever since people developed finding pools of more than one, it has been this way. Wouldn't it be easier and more effective if it was no big thing to know how much interest someone had in you from the beginning? That it was no big deal to be perfectly honest with another person about your feelings for them? People wouldn't be getting their hopes up just to be dashed later on, they would know right away.
Instead, we all play this game, whether intentionally or not. He complimented me this way. She touched me here. He helped me do this. She sat next to me at the party. He didn't make eye contact. She sounded bored. It just goes on and on.
It has to be for some reason though. Every single person has to deal with it to some extent or another. It's not like it is some unique phenomenon to one person. So obviously, it must be important to the human experience... somehow... It's "opposition in all things" in action. Help people appreciate something truly good when it finally works out. Well, if that's the case, then I know some people that are going to be seriously appreciative at some point. Because I've been picking up this theme a lot recently, from quite a few different sources.
Actually, based on the timing of things falling apart for me, again, I know exactly what is going on, for me at least. It's a test. A test that I've been given time and time again. One that I haven't exactly passed with flying colors. It's either: a girl comes into my life and motivates me to get things straight, or I've decided to get things straight and then a girl comes along. Either way, they are taken away to see how I react. Will he keep doing the things he needs to for the right reasons in the absence of the girl? And unfortunately, I don't have a great track record to this point. But then, if I did, maybe I wouldn't be given the test as often, if at all. So now I am more cognizant of this particular test, I should be expecting the girls to start lining up soon, right? But I'll still have to deal with the game though. I certainly can't expect that to change all of a sudden.
Oh yeah, I've missed a couple of days of gratitude posts. Trying to catch up feels intimidating at this point though, so I'm not going to try to do so today. I'll just do one for today.
I'm grateful for second chances. And third chances. And fourth chances. And Umpteenth chances. Everyone deserves another chance. I'm grateful for all the chances I've been given. Life would be too depressing otherwise. I'd never have hope for something good. Everyone deserves something good, right?
Instead, we all play this game, whether intentionally or not. He complimented me this way. She touched me here. He helped me do this. She sat next to me at the party. He didn't make eye contact. She sounded bored. It just goes on and on.
It has to be for some reason though. Every single person has to deal with it to some extent or another. It's not like it is some unique phenomenon to one person. So obviously, it must be important to the human experience... somehow... It's "opposition in all things" in action. Help people appreciate something truly good when it finally works out. Well, if that's the case, then I know some people that are going to be seriously appreciative at some point. Because I've been picking up this theme a lot recently, from quite a few different sources.
Actually, based on the timing of things falling apart for me, again, I know exactly what is going on, for me at least. It's a test. A test that I've been given time and time again. One that I haven't exactly passed with flying colors. It's either: a girl comes into my life and motivates me to get things straight, or I've decided to get things straight and then a girl comes along. Either way, they are taken away to see how I react. Will he keep doing the things he needs to for the right reasons in the absence of the girl? And unfortunately, I don't have a great track record to this point. But then, if I did, maybe I wouldn't be given the test as often, if at all. So now I am more cognizant of this particular test, I should be expecting the girls to start lining up soon, right? But I'll still have to deal with the game though. I certainly can't expect that to change all of a sudden.
Oh yeah, I've missed a couple of days of gratitude posts. Trying to catch up feels intimidating at this point though, so I'm not going to try to do so today. I'll just do one for today.
I'm grateful for second chances. And third chances. And fourth chances. And Umpteenth chances. Everyone deserves another chance. I'm grateful for all the chances I've been given. Life would be too depressing otherwise. I'd never have hope for something good. Everyone deserves something good, right?
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A Little Rant and BG4
A friend shared this link on Facebook today. It's a debate between an atheist and a Christian pastor, moderated by a journalist for Newsweek.
I'm not particularly a fan of debates like these. It is like Alma and Korihor - he said, he said. Nothing the one says is going to convince the other on the points that they differ on.
Mr. Harris is quite poisonous IMO. He insists that morality and altruism can be achieved without faith. Mr. Warren attributes that need that most people have for doing good to be from God. Mr. Harris cannot deny that people feel that need for purpose, because to do so would alienate his audience. But he can get them to deny the existence of God. And that's really all the Adversary needs to get his foot in the door. He doesn't need to dismantle people in one blow, he can do it a little at a time.
I just think it is funny that atheists deny the existence of God for scientific reasons, i.e. there is no proof that he exists. Einstein could not countenance the possibility of particles smaller than the atom, and yet when technology advanced, there is no denying that there are in fact protons, electrons, and neutrons. And a few years later, they discovered that there are parts smaller still, quarks and muons and such. Einstein's theories have been left behind because they cannot account for quantum mechanics. But to tell him all that we now know and say, take my word for it, he'd never believe, or at least have a hard time believing it. But you would know that you were right. Science has a way of cannibalizing itself as new discoveries are made, out with the old, in with the new. Just because we cannot see atoms and electrons and muons, does not mean they are not there. Just because we choose not to see evidence in God, does not mean he is not there. What the scientific community knows, or thinks it knows, today will not be what it knows in a year, let alone a decade or a century.
I also think it is silly for people of religion to dismiss science. Just because Hawkings' A Brief History of Time was not written by Moses or Paul and included in the Bible does not make it a lie. To say that God took 65 million years or longer to create the earth instead of snapping his fingers or wiggling his nose like a pop culture wizard, does not take away any of the awe and wonder we should have in the Creation.
And I was wondering what I was going to be grateful for today! I am grateful for my faith. I am grateful that it is not exclusionary. I am glad that rationality has a place in my belief system. But also that all the competing theories and breakthroughs and changes in scientific understanding will not whip me about like a boat on a stormy sea. All the theories and mysteries of the universe are secondary. They are fun to think about, but are not necessary for me to comprehend even a fraction, as long as I have faith in God and the Atonement of His Son.
I'm not particularly a fan of debates like these. It is like Alma and Korihor - he said, he said. Nothing the one says is going to convince the other on the points that they differ on.
Mr. Harris is quite poisonous IMO. He insists that morality and altruism can be achieved without faith. Mr. Warren attributes that need that most people have for doing good to be from God. Mr. Harris cannot deny that people feel that need for purpose, because to do so would alienate his audience. But he can get them to deny the existence of God. And that's really all the Adversary needs to get his foot in the door. He doesn't need to dismantle people in one blow, he can do it a little at a time.
I just think it is funny that atheists deny the existence of God for scientific reasons, i.e. there is no proof that he exists. Einstein could not countenance the possibility of particles smaller than the atom, and yet when technology advanced, there is no denying that there are in fact protons, electrons, and neutrons. And a few years later, they discovered that there are parts smaller still, quarks and muons and such. Einstein's theories have been left behind because they cannot account for quantum mechanics. But to tell him all that we now know and say, take my word for it, he'd never believe, or at least have a hard time believing it. But you would know that you were right. Science has a way of cannibalizing itself as new discoveries are made, out with the old, in with the new. Just because we cannot see atoms and electrons and muons, does not mean they are not there. Just because we choose not to see evidence in God, does not mean he is not there. What the scientific community knows, or thinks it knows, today will not be what it knows in a year, let alone a decade or a century.
I also think it is silly for people of religion to dismiss science. Just because Hawkings' A Brief History of Time was not written by Moses or Paul and included in the Bible does not make it a lie. To say that God took 65 million years or longer to create the earth instead of snapping his fingers or wiggling his nose like a pop culture wizard, does not take away any of the awe and wonder we should have in the Creation.
And I was wondering what I was going to be grateful for today! I am grateful for my faith. I am grateful that it is not exclusionary. I am glad that rationality has a place in my belief system. But also that all the competing theories and breakthroughs and changes in scientific understanding will not whip me about like a boat on a stormy sea. All the theories and mysteries of the universe are secondary. They are fun to think about, but are not necessary for me to comprehend even a fraction, as long as I have faith in God and the Atonement of His Son.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
BG3
I'm grateful for you, dear readers. Most, if not all, of you are very dear friends to me. Most of you I have known for over a decade, and a couple for much longer than that. We've got a lot of really good memories, both trivial and poignant. At least one of you has appreciated me not being judgmental, and I appreciate that in all of you towards me. I said how grateful I am for my family before. I don't know my extended family real well, not like some of you know yours. I wish I knew them better. But all of you I consider to be my extended family; you are more than just friends.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Being Grateful II
I'm thankful for the ward I attend. Tim has posted about what makes a good ward on his blog, and I made comments on what I thought. I felt like the wards that I attended in Provo got progressively better. Maybe it was my understanding of how wards worked that grew, maybe I just matured, or maybe they actually were better. Anyway, when I moved to this area last year, I was not thrilled to be starting at yet another singles ward. I was coming off a rough patch after my time in Denver and New York, and it took me a while to warm up to the ward in Lehi. The ward was big and I felt kind of lost in the crowd. Also, my first impression of that bishop was way off base, but I didn't find that out for three months though. Just when I found out my bishop was a good man that I could trust, the ward was dissolved. Arrgghh! Another new ward, and another new bishop to feel out. It hasn't turned out so bad. Despite not being in a ward with my best friends anymore, this ward rivals the last couple of Provo wards. There is nobody in the ward that I dislike, and many that I like a lot. And the bishop is great. I feel that he was drawn to this place by the Lord to be called as the bishop of this ward at this time. He is a spiritual giant, and a soft-hearted, sensitive, sometimes silly man. I've made many good friends here, people that, under different circumstances, I'd never think to be friends with.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Being Grateful in the Face of Adversity
So, on top of my mother's divorce proceedings, we found out today that her business partner passed away on Saturday. This is a mighty blow as he was the money handler and technical wizard behind their web business. He had been in poor health for some time, but they had never made a contingency plan if one of them died or otherwise could not continue. She had no access to the company accounts, nor any clue on how to take care of the technical end of things. No one can take his place, only he knew how everything on their site fit and worked together.
It seems like the hits keep coming lately, now the new ones come before the old ones are over.
Which brings me to the subject of this post. How can we stay grateful in the face of adversity? How did our pioneer forebears handle the excruciating sacrifice of traveling to the Salt Lake Valley? Dealing with the loss of loved ones, how were the early saints able to press forward? Why didn't they just curl up and die, or turn around and head back home?
Sometimes, it is easy to be grateful, it doesn't really take any effort. But other times, we need to be willfully grateful. We need to look explicitly for things to be grateful for. What I want to do is post everyday until Christmas. Each post will include one thing I am grateful for. I'm hoping that by the time Christmas comes, the gratitude I show then will be easier to express than it is at the moment.
I'll make this one easy:
I am grateful for my family that loves me, and who I love as well. No matter what comes against us, we have one another. Right now, my mom is taking the brunt of these challenges, so I try to support her. in the past and in the future, it'll be me who takes the brunt, and I'll require her or my brother for support.
It seems like the hits keep coming lately, now the new ones come before the old ones are over.
Which brings me to the subject of this post. How can we stay grateful in the face of adversity? How did our pioneer forebears handle the excruciating sacrifice of traveling to the Salt Lake Valley? Dealing with the loss of loved ones, how were the early saints able to press forward? Why didn't they just curl up and die, or turn around and head back home?
Sometimes, it is easy to be grateful, it doesn't really take any effort. But other times, we need to be willfully grateful. We need to look explicitly for things to be grateful for. What I want to do is post everyday until Christmas. Each post will include one thing I am grateful for. I'm hoping that by the time Christmas comes, the gratitude I show then will be easier to express than it is at the moment.
I'll make this one easy:
I am grateful for my family that loves me, and who I love as well. No matter what comes against us, we have one another. Right now, my mom is taking the brunt of these challenges, so I try to support her. in the past and in the future, it'll be me who takes the brunt, and I'll require her or my brother for support.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Good Sometimes
A comment on the previous post made me think about a conversation I was a part of the other day. My mom and I were talking with our neighbor about parenting (I was mostly listening). And my mom mentioned how sometimes when she would get mad at me and my brother, she would yell, and sometimes scream. And then she would feel terrible, like she was a failure, that she wasn't a good mother. One day when I was very young, she was feeling particularly bad about her perceived failures when she walked in on me watching Mister Roger's Neighborhood. I was singing a version of a song I heard on the show. I have included in it's entirety at the end of this post. I sang:
Sometimes kitties are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same kitties who are good sometimes
Are the very same kitties who are bad sometimes.
Sometimes mommies are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same mommies who are good sometimes
Are the very same mommies who are bad sometimes.
A lot of times, we think in terms of black and white. Things are either good, or they are bad. When we do good things we feel we are on top of the world. But when we make bad decisions, we forget or discount the good things that we have done, and we just focus on the bad things. We can bring ourselves down pretty low, even to the point of feeling worthless. I think it is hard for us to reconcile the fact that good people can make bad decisions, especially within ourselves. Even Nephi of old dealt with this issue. "Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul greiveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me." (2 Ne 4:17-18) See the rest of 2 Nephi 4 because it has a lot to do with the rest of the post.
I think it is important to remember we have dual natures. The classic cartoon representation of this is a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. We need to realize that we are good, we just make mistakes. We need to realize that the good advice we give each other is the same advice we need to follow in our own lives. When people compliment me, one of the first things I do is think, "If only you knew about X, if only people knew." I know I am a good person, but reconciling that with my bad choices is hard to do. I'm not saying that we need to accept the bad, live with the bad, wallow in the bad. What I think we need to accept is that we are good. Live with the good. Wallow in the good. We have a great aid in doing this. We celebrate his birth in about 3 weeks. We need to trust in Him. I don't say this because I am particularly good at it, because I'm not. But It's what I would tell anyone else, so why shouldn't I follow it?
So I want to ask what you think. What do you do to reconcile the differences within yourselves? And if you have a hard time doing that, what advice would you give me? And then I would challenge you to turn around and follow that advice.
Again, here are the lyrics to the song I sang a real long time ago. It helped my mom remember that she was not a bad mother. Hopefully, it will remind you that you aren't bad either.
Sometimes People Are Good
Sometimes people are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...
Sometimes people get wet.
And their parents get upset.
But the very same people who get wet sometimes
Are the very same people who are dry sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...
Sometimes people make noise
And they break each other's toys.
But the very same people who are noisy sometimes
Are the very same people who are quiet sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...
Sometimes people get mad
And they feel like being bad.
But the very same people who are mad sometimes
Are the very same people who are glad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...
Sometimes people are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me...
Isn't it the same for you?
© 1967 Fred M. Rogers
Sometimes kitties are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same kitties who are good sometimes
Are the very same kitties who are bad sometimes.
Sometimes mommies are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same mommies who are good sometimes
Are the very same mommies who are bad sometimes.
A lot of times, we think in terms of black and white. Things are either good, or they are bad. When we do good things we feel we are on top of the world. But when we make bad decisions, we forget or discount the good things that we have done, and we just focus on the bad things. We can bring ourselves down pretty low, even to the point of feeling worthless. I think it is hard for us to reconcile the fact that good people can make bad decisions, especially within ourselves. Even Nephi of old dealt with this issue. "Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul greiveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me." (2 Ne 4:17-18) See the rest of 2 Nephi 4 because it has a lot to do with the rest of the post.
I think it is important to remember we have dual natures. The classic cartoon representation of this is a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. We need to realize that we are good, we just make mistakes. We need to realize that the good advice we give each other is the same advice we need to follow in our own lives. When people compliment me, one of the first things I do is think, "If only you knew about X, if only people knew." I know I am a good person, but reconciling that with my bad choices is hard to do. I'm not saying that we need to accept the bad, live with the bad, wallow in the bad. What I think we need to accept is that we are good. Live with the good. Wallow in the good. We have a great aid in doing this. We celebrate his birth in about 3 weeks. We need to trust in Him. I don't say this because I am particularly good at it, because I'm not. But It's what I would tell anyone else, so why shouldn't I follow it?
So I want to ask what you think. What do you do to reconcile the differences within yourselves? And if you have a hard time doing that, what advice would you give me? And then I would challenge you to turn around and follow that advice.
Again, here are the lyrics to the song I sang a real long time ago. It helped my mom remember that she was not a bad mother. Hopefully, it will remind you that you aren't bad either.
Sometimes People Are Good
Sometimes people are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...
Sometimes people get wet.
And their parents get upset.
But the very same people who get wet sometimes
Are the very same people who are dry sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...
Sometimes people make noise
And they break each other's toys.
But the very same people who are noisy sometimes
Are the very same people who are quiet sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...
Sometimes people get mad
And they feel like being bad.
But the very same people who are mad sometimes
Are the very same people who are glad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...
Sometimes people are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me...
Isn't it the same for you?
© 1967 Fred M. Rogers
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thanksgiving
Ah, Thanksgiving! Despite the weirdness at my place, we had a good Thanksgiving. We had my brother up and my aunt over, and actually ate dinner over at our neighbor's. We made enough for everyone, and so did they, so there are plenty o' leftovers. Yay!
I learned that my cousin, who I like though we're not very close, is a real jerk. He lives up in SLC and had his family to his place for dinner. His dad, his sisters, and his in-laws. Everyone except his own mother that lives in PG. Through his sister texting her, he let his mom know that there was not enough room for her to come. That to me is unacceptable. She was nervous about having dinner with his inlaws, but to have the invitation rescinded at the last minute was terrible. My aunt is not a perfect person, she's made mistakes, but nothing so heinous to deserve that kind of treatment. We love having her over, so she had somewhere to be, but I can't believe there was not room enough for her.
On a happier note, this year marked the tenth anniversary of having Thanksgiving at The Masked Mallard's for the first time along with our friend John. That invitation was great because I was missing just my second Thanksgiving at home ever. We had such a good time, that even though my family is out here now, we've usually done something at their place during Thanksgiving weekend ever since. A lot of really good memories have come from that invitation. Thanks so much!
I learned that my cousin, who I like though we're not very close, is a real jerk. He lives up in SLC and had his family to his place for dinner. His dad, his sisters, and his in-laws. Everyone except his own mother that lives in PG. Through his sister texting her, he let his mom know that there was not enough room for her to come. That to me is unacceptable. She was nervous about having dinner with his inlaws, but to have the invitation rescinded at the last minute was terrible. My aunt is not a perfect person, she's made mistakes, but nothing so heinous to deserve that kind of treatment. We love having her over, so she had somewhere to be, but I can't believe there was not room enough for her.
On a happier note, this year marked the tenth anniversary of having Thanksgiving at The Masked Mallard's for the first time along with our friend John. That invitation was great because I was missing just my second Thanksgiving at home ever. We had such a good time, that even though my family is out here now, we've usually done something at their place during Thanksgiving weekend ever since. A lot of really good memories have come from that invitation. Thanks so much!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Mistakes
My mother is getting divorced again. And that makes me sad. Not because I like her husband, but because I dislike him. It's sad that this man duped my mother. She's a sucker for a sales pitch, and I hope that if she ever gets married again, that I can spend some serious time around him before the wedding day. I met her present husband on the way to the courthouse. I didn't know what to think, except I could see that my mother was happy, so I was happy for her. But there have been things, red flags that have come up over the last 4 years. He was a weird guy. Not that my family isn't weird in our own way, but his sense of humor was on the opposite wavelength. When we would be silly, he was serious, and vice versa. Then there were the money scams. You know: "Hello, I am in need to move money to America, and am need to use agent for bank purposes." The first time I heard that he was working with someone overseas to move money into the country, I knew it was a scam. But, he was over 50, and I was still in college, so I merely asked if it was legit, and he said that he had checked it out. A short time later MY bank account had to be closed because of fraud related to HIS account. See, my mother had her name on one of his accounts, as well as on mine, so it daisy chained down to my account. Luckily, I only had $5 to my name at the time. Funny thing is, that was neither the first time nor the last time he had gotten involved in such a thing. Then there was the string of 4 or 5 jobs he went through in a year. When I went to Denver two summers ago, I needed a place to put my things. Well, mostly my furniture, which I had only been borrowing from my mother. WHen she mentioned to him that I was bringing it back up to the house, he threw a fit. When I had to work on my car this summer, I was worried about how much it was going to cost to have it repaired. He made some comment about putting the car into a trust. A trust in MY name, but under HIS control. The car would essentially be his, and I could borrow it, but he would, over time, pay for the repairs. He's maxed out a couple of credit cards, and has hardly helped financially with the house. All of this, and my mother finally decided to start the ball rolling on getting divorced.
Even with all of these things, I never felt it was my place to be say anything negative about him to my mother. It was her marriage, if she wanted to make it work, I wouldn't stop her.
Now that she is planning on seeing a lawyer, some new information has come to the surface. She found correspondence between him and several "clients". It seems that these clients are young women that are not too different in age than me, maybe a little older. And no mention is made of my mother being his wife. And how each is the only one that he thinks about. In fact, there is a woman coming from the Ukraine that he wants someone in the ward to host while she looks for a job. She is not LDS, but he entertains thoughts of converting her. He asked a lady in their ward if she would take her up to Temple Square, but not mention any of his marital problems to this foreigner.
My mom also found some other disturbing and inappropriate materials while searching for bank and credit records.
I went out with my bishop the other night to see some people in the ward. He asked how my mom and her husband were doing, he would go to their ward if he weren't the singles ward bishop. I told him that things were bad, and that she was working on getting a divorce. He said that he always thought that they seemed fine at church and other activities. And I thought to myself, "SEEMED is the operative term here." He seems fine, he seems like he doesn't have financial, emotional, and marital problems. He seems like he has it all together, and that he is just going through a rough patch. But underneath it all, he's just been using my mother and her home. Maybe, he really has a problem, a mental problem that can explain his behavior. And if he does, then that will be taken into account in the next life. But here in this one, he needs to move on and move out.
Thinking about it, it was almost four years ago when my mom met him online. She'd been dating a lot of guys that whole year when He came along. He invited her out to visit him in Ohio. It was Christmas break, and she asked me if she should go. I told her to go. I felt that the worst thing that could happen was that she would go and it wouldn't work out. Ohio was where she grew up, she still knew people out there, and my cousin and his family lived nearby in Indiana. She could have all of these good times out there. I also thought she would drive me nuts talking about him if she stayed. I never thought that they would be married less than two months later, or that he would turn out to be as big a scum bag as he has. But I don't feel guilty for advising my mom to go out there, how were we to know how it would play out. It's just feels ironic, and a little bit sad.
Even with all of these things, I never felt it was my place to be say anything negative about him to my mother. It was her marriage, if she wanted to make it work, I wouldn't stop her.
Now that she is planning on seeing a lawyer, some new information has come to the surface. She found correspondence between him and several "clients". It seems that these clients are young women that are not too different in age than me, maybe a little older. And no mention is made of my mother being his wife. And how each is the only one that he thinks about. In fact, there is a woman coming from the Ukraine that he wants someone in the ward to host while she looks for a job. She is not LDS, but he entertains thoughts of converting her. He asked a lady in their ward if she would take her up to Temple Square, but not mention any of his marital problems to this foreigner.
My mom also found some other disturbing and inappropriate materials while searching for bank and credit records.
I went out with my bishop the other night to see some people in the ward. He asked how my mom and her husband were doing, he would go to their ward if he weren't the singles ward bishop. I told him that things were bad, and that she was working on getting a divorce. He said that he always thought that they seemed fine at church and other activities. And I thought to myself, "SEEMED is the operative term here." He seems fine, he seems like he doesn't have financial, emotional, and marital problems. He seems like he has it all together, and that he is just going through a rough patch. But underneath it all, he's just been using my mother and her home. Maybe, he really has a problem, a mental problem that can explain his behavior. And if he does, then that will be taken into account in the next life. But here in this one, he needs to move on and move out.
Thinking about it, it was almost four years ago when my mom met him online. She'd been dating a lot of guys that whole year when He came along. He invited her out to visit him in Ohio. It was Christmas break, and she asked me if she should go. I told her to go. I felt that the worst thing that could happen was that she would go and it wouldn't work out. Ohio was where she grew up, she still knew people out there, and my cousin and his family lived nearby in Indiana. She could have all of these good times out there. I also thought she would drive me nuts talking about him if she stayed. I never thought that they would be married less than two months later, or that he would turn out to be as big a scum bag as he has. But I don't feel guilty for advising my mom to go out there, how were we to know how it would play out. It's just feels ironic, and a little bit sad.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
And Like That...
The current girl situation has cleared itself out. Strictly speaking, age alone has not been a deciding factor, but the two girls on opposite ends of the age spectrum (relatively speaking) are no longer on my radar. The younger one was my choice. I just feel like I want someone who has traveled a bit more down the pathways of life.
The older one was her choice. We've gone out a few times, and had fun. I felt it was easy to talk to her, and she felt the same. But I guess she wasn't feelin' much interest. I'm disappointed, I felt like I could be more myself with her.
The situation taught me some things though. I've been able to focus my search criteria a little more in some areas, and broaden it in others. Age differences aren't as big a deal for me anymore. But having similar experiences carries a little more weight. Also, timing is another thing. I was attracted to B (The older one) early on this summer, and I thought she was as well. But I let all that time pass. I don't know if things would have been any different, but there is something to be said about striking while the iron is hot. I think I learned to be a little more direct about things. Once I started being more direct, I got clearer responses.
Now the trick is to move forward and not stand still or move backwards. Someone good is out there somewhere, but she'll only be found going forward.
The older one was her choice. We've gone out a few times, and had fun. I felt it was easy to talk to her, and she felt the same. But I guess she wasn't feelin' much interest. I'm disappointed, I felt like I could be more myself with her.
The situation taught me some things though. I've been able to focus my search criteria a little more in some areas, and broaden it in others. Age differences aren't as big a deal for me anymore. But having similar experiences carries a little more weight. Also, timing is another thing. I was attracted to B (The older one) early on this summer, and I thought she was as well. But I let all that time pass. I don't know if things would have been any different, but there is something to be said about striking while the iron is hot. I think I learned to be a little more direct about things. Once I started being more direct, I got clearer responses.
Now the trick is to move forward and not stand still or move backwards. Someone good is out there somewhere, but she'll only be found going forward.
Monday, October 6, 2008
High School
So the girl situation was feeling a bit like high school. Now it turns out that S actually just graduated from high school in the spring. When she started coming to the ward, I thought she had just moved in. I also thought she was at least 25. She doesn't act like an 18 year old, and she looks more mature than her years. But she is in fact 18. That's just two years older than my kid brother. Now I feel...I don't know what I feel actually. I think she is still cool, but it's different.
In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy says, "It's not the years, it's the mileage." I am not as concerned about ages, but I am concerned about experiences. I mean, I know folks that got married despite a 10 year age difference. But, I think it is important that people have an appreciation for each other's experiences.
Something for me to chew on for a bit.
In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy says, "It's not the years, it's the mileage." I am not as concerned about ages, but I am concerned about experiences. I mean, I know folks that got married despite a 10 year age difference. But, I think it is important that people have an appreciation for each other's experiences.
Something for me to chew on for a bit.
Monday, September 29, 2008
The Prospect of Juggling
I'm glad that I haven't linked my facebook profile to this blog. There are more and more people in my ward that are adding me as a friend, and I don't need them reading everything that I post here. I don't want things to come back and bite me.
So I'm kind of pursuing this woman, (it is weird to say I am pursuing a woman, but 'girl' doesn't seem quite right either) and I think there is still potential there. But now I have been told that I should ask out a couple of girls in the ward the last two days. The first of these would be more of a friendly date I think, she's a nice girl, I'd just never thought about asking her out on my own. The second is one that I've been a little intrigued by recently.
I'm kind of a 'one-track-mind' guy. I've only been interested in one girl at any one time. Well, back in high school I was probably interested in multiple girls at the same time, but I was too shy or insecure to do anything with any of them, so I don't count that. There was Bethany my freshman year at BYU. I had a crush on her that whole year, during my mission, and into my first year back. There was Lisa my junior year, we did a bunch of stuff together, but it didn't pan out. Then there was Cynthia, and after her Linda. More recently, Lisa (different one), Kristana, Marcilyn, Heather, Alison, and Cynthia redux. Thinking about it, there was some over lapping of interests, but really only one focus at a time.
Now it is different. I can think of these two girls one right after the other, and be almost equally intrigued. And that is bothersome to me. It's not like I'm going steady with either of them, they aren't expecting me to be exclusive at this point, I've only had a couple of dates so far with the one, and am only slightly flirtatious with the other. But I feel to be any more than that would break some personally moral barrier. If one of them really starts to pan out, then I will need to be exclusive. And I wouldn't know how to break it off with the other.
It wouldn't be so bad if it was only me, but I think that both of them are at least somewhat interested in me as well. Do I just stop flirting with the one, and focus on the one I'm farther along with? or do I bring them both to the same level, and see which one wants to take it to the next step? Either way has its cons. I don't want to burn any bridges, but neither do I want to be a so-called player. I think both deserve my full attention, but only one can get it. Never thought I'd be in this situation.
So I'm kind of pursuing this woman, (it is weird to say I am pursuing a woman, but 'girl' doesn't seem quite right either) and I think there is still potential there. But now I have been told that I should ask out a couple of girls in the ward the last two days. The first of these would be more of a friendly date I think, she's a nice girl, I'd just never thought about asking her out on my own. The second is one that I've been a little intrigued by recently.
I'm kind of a 'one-track-mind' guy. I've only been interested in one girl at any one time. Well, back in high school I was probably interested in multiple girls at the same time, but I was too shy or insecure to do anything with any of them, so I don't count that. There was Bethany my freshman year at BYU. I had a crush on her that whole year, during my mission, and into my first year back. There was Lisa my junior year, we did a bunch of stuff together, but it didn't pan out. Then there was Cynthia, and after her Linda. More recently, Lisa (different one), Kristana, Marcilyn, Heather, Alison, and Cynthia redux. Thinking about it, there was some over lapping of interests, but really only one focus at a time.
Now it is different. I can think of these two girls one right after the other, and be almost equally intrigued. And that is bothersome to me. It's not like I'm going steady with either of them, they aren't expecting me to be exclusive at this point, I've only had a couple of dates so far with the one, and am only slightly flirtatious with the other. But I feel to be any more than that would break some personally moral barrier. If one of them really starts to pan out, then I will need to be exclusive. And I wouldn't know how to break it off with the other.
It wouldn't be so bad if it was only me, but I think that both of them are at least somewhat interested in me as well. Do I just stop flirting with the one, and focus on the one I'm farther along with? or do I bring them both to the same level, and see which one wants to take it to the next step? Either way has its cons. I don't want to burn any bridges, but neither do I want to be a so-called player. I think both deserve my full attention, but only one can get it. Never thought I'd be in this situation.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The 'Hood Times
I finally got a job! I'm going to be doing layout work for a newspaper/tabloid. Its just getting started though, so we will see how it goes. They want to call it the New York Hood News. It will be devoted to stories that are about regular people, rather than celebrities and politicians. They want the first issue to come out in three weeks or so. It'll be interesting to see if it gets off the ground. I think it is interesting that I'll be working on this paper that will probably go out to mostly african-american communities in the south and east. I'm sure it'll expose me to cultural aspects that I haven't had too much experience with in the past. But it will get me real world experience that will be useful in the future, and that's probably the most important thing.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
High Anxiety
I nearly had an anxiety attack yesterday. And I had my date. My bout of anxiety had to do with BYU's narrow victory over U-Dub 28-27. The officiators' strict adherence to the rule book after Jake Locker scored the final touchdown and threw the ball up in the air pushed the PAT back 15 yards. Who knows if this would have happened at the normal position, but the kick was low and Jan Jorgensen got far enough through the line to get his hand on the ball to preserve the lead and the victory. Man, oh man was that close! Though it shouldn't have been. Again, BYU's own mistakes almost proved to be their undoing. Collie dropped a bunch of passes that he should have caught, Unga fumbled into the endzone at the end of a 97 yard drive, and Hall was intercepted on an underthrown pass. But they still won. On the road, against a PAC-10 team. That's nothing to sneeze at!
My date went well. We had a regional Stake conference broadcast today, so last night we had the adult session with our stake presidency. That meant the date started later than is customary. So I made dinner and brought it over to her place. I made Lasagna and ceasar salad. After that, we watched The Italian Job, the original with Michael Caine, not the new one with Mark Wahlberg. After the movie we had homemade ricotta gelato (italian ice cream) with blackberry sauce. All of the food turned out very good. We were undecided on the movie, I think we both liked the remake better.
We talked before, during, and after the meal and movie. It was interesting how much we have in common, it was almost cliche, although I didn't play it like the cliche: "You like that? Omigosh! ME TOO!" It was nice though. Like I said before, we have an understanding and appreciation for our different life paths we've taken. It was just really comfortable, like I could be more myself. I think there is certainly potential there. A second date is on the horizon for sure.
My date went well. We had a regional Stake conference broadcast today, so last night we had the adult session with our stake presidency. That meant the date started later than is customary. So I made dinner and brought it over to her place. I made Lasagna and ceasar salad. After that, we watched The Italian Job, the original with Michael Caine, not the new one with Mark Wahlberg. After the movie we had homemade ricotta gelato (italian ice cream) with blackberry sauce. All of the food turned out very good. We were undecided on the movie, I think we both liked the remake better.
We talked before, during, and after the meal and movie. It was interesting how much we have in common, it was almost cliche, although I didn't play it like the cliche: "You like that? Omigosh! ME TOO!" It was nice though. Like I said before, we have an understanding and appreciation for our different life paths we've taken. It was just really comfortable, like I could be more myself. I think there is certainly potential there. A second date is on the horizon for sure.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
What Am I So Anxious About?
Or is this just the effects of food poisoning?
I'm feeling something, whatever it is.
It's against my recent policy, not that I've been good at following it in the past, but I feel like I've got to say something to release the tension inside me. There's a girl. Before you jump to conclusions, I haven't even asked her out yet. But I am picking up some positive vibes from her, and have all summer long. And I want to reciprocate.
Why has it taken so long, why have I put off all summer what I felt to do back in May? No good reason, especially considering my recent post about wasting time. I was still getting over the departure of my ex-girlfriend in May, and my car was out of comission until last month. I didn't have a lot of contact with this girl in august, so I imagined that her interest had probably waned. I shouldn't have worried. After the party over at her place last night, I have no doubt she is still very much interested.
She's a few years older than me, and in the past I would've never even considered someone that much older. But I find that, in her case anyway, her years help her appreciate my life path, rather than look down on it. She's been a teacher going on five years now, but it seems she has had just as meandering a path as I have followed. She's intelligent, funny, caring, and respectful of others. She's also pretty patient, the fact that she hasn't given up on me, despite my inaction, tells me that.
But I am nervous. I am almost certain she'll agree to go out with me once I ask. But it has been awhile since I asked anyone out. And if the vibes I am detecting are true, it could get serious quickly. I'm just afraid that I am getting ahead of myself again. I tend to do that, and then I go into freefall when things don't work out.
I'm feeling something, whatever it is.
It's against my recent policy, not that I've been good at following it in the past, but I feel like I've got to say something to release the tension inside me. There's a girl. Before you jump to conclusions, I haven't even asked her out yet. But I am picking up some positive vibes from her, and have all summer long. And I want to reciprocate.
Why has it taken so long, why have I put off all summer what I felt to do back in May? No good reason, especially considering my recent post about wasting time. I was still getting over the departure of my ex-girlfriend in May, and my car was out of comission until last month. I didn't have a lot of contact with this girl in august, so I imagined that her interest had probably waned. I shouldn't have worried. After the party over at her place last night, I have no doubt she is still very much interested.
She's a few years older than me, and in the past I would've never even considered someone that much older. But I find that, in her case anyway, her years help her appreciate my life path, rather than look down on it. She's been a teacher going on five years now, but it seems she has had just as meandering a path as I have followed. She's intelligent, funny, caring, and respectful of others. She's also pretty patient, the fact that she hasn't given up on me, despite my inaction, tells me that.
But I am nervous. I am almost certain she'll agree to go out with me once I ask. But it has been awhile since I asked anyone out. And if the vibes I am detecting are true, it could get serious quickly. I'm just afraid that I am getting ahead of myself again. I tend to do that, and then I go into freefall when things don't work out.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Football Season is Here!
OMIGOSH, OMIGOSH, OMIGOSH!
Kickoff is just over 48 hours away! At least for my favorite team it is, but opening games start tonight! It has been a long dry sports drought for me here at Risin' & Shoutin'. Last season I was working out in New York and very often missed watching any football, let alone BYU football. I did arrange to see the Las Vegas Bowl on my way home from the Big Apple, but I missed a lot of the other games. I did go to several BYU basketball games last winter, but by and large, my sports consumption has been particularly low over the last 12 months. Since moving back home, I've missed getting up on Saturdays and vegging out for hours of football on ESPN. We don't have cable or satellite here, we only watch DVDs around these parts. Any sports watching I've done is at other people's homes. I missed most of the Olympics, especially Michael Phelps amazing tour de force.
Vegging out watching football is not in the gameplan this season, but I will be better at least at seeing the Cougars of BYU. There are BYU fans in my ward here, and I got season tickets this year for the home games! I welcome my good friend Javich home from his mission in Arizona! I am glad that he was finally able to get the medical procedures done to allow him to serve, I know how important it was for him to go. But I am glad that he is back! We watched the games together during those dark years of '02-'04, and saw the first glimmers of redemption together in '05. But with everyone parting ways over the last couple of years, I didn't have anyone to share the success of the last two years with. But, at least for this season, it'll be the best of both worlds! Good friends to watch the games with, and a good team to watch.
GoooooooOOOOOO COUGARS!
Kickoff is just over 48 hours away! At least for my favorite team it is, but opening games start tonight! It has been a long dry sports drought for me here at Risin' & Shoutin'. Last season I was working out in New York and very often missed watching any football, let alone BYU football. I did arrange to see the Las Vegas Bowl on my way home from the Big Apple, but I missed a lot of the other games. I did go to several BYU basketball games last winter, but by and large, my sports consumption has been particularly low over the last 12 months. Since moving back home, I've missed getting up on Saturdays and vegging out for hours of football on ESPN. We don't have cable or satellite here, we only watch DVDs around these parts. Any sports watching I've done is at other people's homes. I missed most of the Olympics, especially Michael Phelps amazing tour de force.
Vegging out watching football is not in the gameplan this season, but I will be better at least at seeing the Cougars of BYU. There are BYU fans in my ward here, and I got season tickets this year for the home games! I welcome my good friend Javich home from his mission in Arizona! I am glad that he was finally able to get the medical procedures done to allow him to serve, I know how important it was for him to go. But I am glad that he is back! We watched the games together during those dark years of '02-'04, and saw the first glimmers of redemption together in '05. But with everyone parting ways over the last couple of years, I didn't have anyone to share the success of the last two years with. But, at least for this season, it'll be the best of both worlds! Good friends to watch the games with, and a good team to watch.
GoooooooOOOOOO COUGARS!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Putting Out
A friend just posted a portion of his portfolio online, you can find it here. He is on the lookout for design jobs, so if you know of anything, let him know! A link is being added to the side bar for access to his portfolio once this post gets buried. Enjoy!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Intimidation
I was once asked if I was intimidated by girls that are accomplished, meaning someone that graduated from college, has a real job, and may have their own house. I can't remember exactly what I said at the time, but here is what I think now. I don't feel so much intimidated, as inadequate. I mean, right now, I am 28, live at home, am still in school, and haven't had a job since December. I am actually quite interested in 'accomplished' women. I just don't feel like I have much to offer someone at the moment besides my winning personality and dimpled smile. And now I have some anecdotal proof for my thinking. Last Sunday I was in the clerks office, after the block of meetings, when the second counselor's wife started up a conversation with me. She has a strong matchmaker's spirit to her. She told me there was a girl in the ward that asked her about me. She wanted to know if I was still in school, and of course I told her that I was. Well, apparently my educational status immediately disqualified me from her search. This girl has graduated from school, and is only looking for guys that are in the same stage of life as she is. I told Sis. Matchmaker that I only had a year left, so if this girl was still around next August she could look me up.
I've been thinking about this for a week now, and I want to change my reply. I'd like Sis. Matchmaker to give Mystery Girl this message. If she is still around and single next August when I am scheduled to graduate, then she can go suck an egg for all I care. Apparently, she doesn't want to support someone through school. Last time I checked my criteria for what I was looking for in a spouse, neither breadwinner nor meal ticket made the list. I'm just hoping to find someone that will love me as much as I love them. What if Mystery Girl and I otherwise make a good match? Then this girl and I will be losing a year of getting to know each other. But if a piece of paper makes that big of a difference to someone, maybe we wouldn't make such a good match after all.
I'm sorry that it took me almost nine years to find something that I really liked to do. Maybe it would've been better to push through my old course of study and be miserable in my line of work, at least then I might've been able to get a date.
I've been thinking about this for a week now, and I want to change my reply. I'd like Sis. Matchmaker to give Mystery Girl this message. If she is still around and single next August when I am scheduled to graduate, then she can go suck an egg for all I care. Apparently, she doesn't want to support someone through school. Last time I checked my criteria for what I was looking for in a spouse, neither breadwinner nor meal ticket made the list. I'm just hoping to find someone that will love me as much as I love them. What if Mystery Girl and I otherwise make a good match? Then this girl and I will be losing a year of getting to know each other. But if a piece of paper makes that big of a difference to someone, maybe we wouldn't make such a good match after all.
I'm sorry that it took me almost nine years to find something that I really liked to do. Maybe it would've been better to push through my old course of study and be miserable in my line of work, at least then I might've been able to get a date.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Update
We never ended up taking Joe to the vet, it took a couple of days for him to recover though. He was up and moving around the next day, but he seemed to never be comfortable and not as responsive to certain stimuli as usual. He didn't "talk" much either. He usually has these little yips and growls that he uses to communicate. We think maybe his vocal cords were injured in the fall. He was on his leash when he jumped out the window, so when the leash went taut it may have bruised the vocal cords. So for a few days he was very subdued. But it seems that he has made a full recovery. He is just a yippy and active as he ever was. We're glad to have our 'old' Joe back.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
A Bit of a Scare
We had a bit of a scare tonight. My mom's husband is an adjunct professor at the recently rebranded Utah Valley University. He teaches evening classes twice a week. As he was getting ready to go, our little dog Joe wanted to follow him. I fully expected Robert* to turn Joe away as he left, but was surprised when he asked, "Joe, do you want to come to school with me?" Of course, Joe wanted to go, not knowing what Robert was talking about. It was good that it was a cool day, because I'm sure he had to leave Joe in the car while teaching the class. My mom and I had been talking the whole time they were gone, when she got a call on her cellphone. It was Robert, and he needed her to call the vet, something had happened to Joe. So we scrambled to find the vet's number, but no answer and no voicemail. In the meantime, Robert showed up with Joe in the passenger seat. He looked asleep and was breathing heavily. So we called around, and the closest office we could get a hold of was up in Sandy, another 20-30 minutes away. SInce that was the only option, we had to take it, and Robert headed that direction. Mom and I were discussing what could be wrong with the dog, apparently he had jumped out the window and hurt himself. We worried that he may have broken his little neck. Then we heard Robert pull into the driveway, and we thought that he must have passed away before they got to Sandy. Fortunately, Joe was awake in Robert's arms, though subdued. He didn't think that any bones were broken, but wasn't sure of any internal injuries, so he's not out of the woods yet. I think we'll take him in tomorrow to have him checked out. Hopefully, we won't lose the little guy.
This whole episode brings up my concerns about Robert. Notice I don't call him my stepfather. I don't really want anything to do with him. He's showed many lapses in judgement just in the last eight months that I've lived at home. He was the main reason that my brother decided to move out. (That should have happened a long time ago, but he is so much of a homebody that nothing else really motivated him to go before.) My mom is fully aware and concerned about Robert's issues, and I listen to her, but I don't voice my concerns. I don't think it is my place to talk about her husband, whether she would agree with me or not. So I just stew with my thoughts about the situation.
Robert surprised us when he brought Joe home with him one day. They had discussed having a small dog, but they weren't in a financial position to be having another animal. And a pure breed Maltese no less! $400 up front, and then all the vet bills and food and other things. $400 was a deal for a dog like that, but still a lot of money they didn't really have. Naturally though, we've all fallen in love with our little Joe, in spite of his tendency for mischief. It would be sad to lose him now, he's only seven months old. I call him "The Puppy," much like one "The Maxwell." Anyways, I'm kind of stuck here at home for now. I'm in school and haven't worked since December, and my money is almost gone. Even when I get a job, it'll still be awhile before I can afford to move out. Until then, I'll have to put up with Robert and his lapses in judgement. There are so many more, but I'd rather not go into detail. It's not that I don't like Robert, it's that I have a hard time respecting him. A man of his age and apparent intelligence should not display such a lack of common sense.
*-Robert's name has been changed for the purposes of anonymity.
This whole episode brings up my concerns about Robert. Notice I don't call him my stepfather. I don't really want anything to do with him. He's showed many lapses in judgement just in the last eight months that I've lived at home. He was the main reason that my brother decided to move out. (That should have happened a long time ago, but he is so much of a homebody that nothing else really motivated him to go before.) My mom is fully aware and concerned about Robert's issues, and I listen to her, but I don't voice my concerns. I don't think it is my place to talk about her husband, whether she would agree with me or not. So I just stew with my thoughts about the situation.
Robert surprised us when he brought Joe home with him one day. They had discussed having a small dog, but they weren't in a financial position to be having another animal. And a pure breed Maltese no less! $400 up front, and then all the vet bills and food and other things. $400 was a deal for a dog like that, but still a lot of money they didn't really have. Naturally though, we've all fallen in love with our little Joe, in spite of his tendency for mischief. It would be sad to lose him now, he's only seven months old. I call him "The Puppy," much like one "The Maxwell." Anyways, I'm kind of stuck here at home for now. I'm in school and haven't worked since December, and my money is almost gone. Even when I get a job, it'll still be awhile before I can afford to move out. Until then, I'll have to put up with Robert and his lapses in judgement. There are so many more, but I'd rather not go into detail. It's not that I don't like Robert, it's that I have a hard time respecting him. A man of his age and apparent intelligence should not display such a lack of common sense.
*-Robert's name has been changed for the purposes of anonymity.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
TDK
I went and saw The Dark Knight today. I'm still trying to decide what I think about it. It is a well made movie. The acting is strong across the board I would say. The action does not let up. There is hardly any swearing, nothing that couldn't be in a PG movie, and zero sex. There is gun-play, martial arts, and some animal violence. I don't recall there being any free flowing blood, if there was blood it was dry. It had very few of the earmarks we usually look for when trying to tell if a kid should not go. But the movie was INTENSE! It tread in very dark waters. It questions the balance of security and freedom, ends and means.
The Joker is a psychopath, he is a criminal mastermind, but not for gain. There is a scene where he burns all the money he has stolen. He is out to spread fear, not to put himself in power, not in a traditional sense, more to just see what would happen, to know that he CAN cause fear. Really, he is an anarchist. A divisive element, with no permanent allegiances. He wants to show the world that society is a pretense, that when push comes to shove, people are selfish, willing to kill to save their own neck.
A lot of people die in the movie, cops, mobsters, minor characters and important ones. And they die in pretty gruesome ways. At least you know it is gruesome, because it is setup to be gruesome. Like I said, there is no free flowing blood. The actual moment of death is always left to the imagination. I kept expecting to have to shield my eyes, I never did, but it is hard to shut out the images that my mind has created to fill in what the movie left out.
Not many movies do that anymore, leave things to the imagination. And really, I think it is more powerful then seeing exactly what happened.
When I walked out of Batman Begins three years ago, I left feeling that it was totally awesome. This time, it was just as well made, as well acted, but it feels different. A critic I read called it The Empire Strikes Back to Batman Begins' Star Wars. There is still some optimism at the end, but not nearly as much as the first one. This one is good, just keep the darker thematic elements in mind when you see it.
The Joker is a psychopath, he is a criminal mastermind, but not for gain. There is a scene where he burns all the money he has stolen. He is out to spread fear, not to put himself in power, not in a traditional sense, more to just see what would happen, to know that he CAN cause fear. Really, he is an anarchist. A divisive element, with no permanent allegiances. He wants to show the world that society is a pretense, that when push comes to shove, people are selfish, willing to kill to save their own neck.
A lot of people die in the movie, cops, mobsters, minor characters and important ones. And they die in pretty gruesome ways. At least you know it is gruesome, because it is setup to be gruesome. Like I said, there is no free flowing blood. The actual moment of death is always left to the imagination. I kept expecting to have to shield my eyes, I never did, but it is hard to shut out the images that my mind has created to fill in what the movie left out.
Not many movies do that anymore, leave things to the imagination. And really, I think it is more powerful then seeing exactly what happened.
When I walked out of Batman Begins three years ago, I left feeling that it was totally awesome. This time, it was just as well made, as well acted, but it feels different. A critic I read called it The Empire Strikes Back to Batman Begins' Star Wars. There is still some optimism at the end, but not nearly as much as the first one. This one is good, just keep the darker thematic elements in mind when you see it.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
A Long Time
Recently, my high school graduating class held its 10 year reunion. On the one hand, I cannot believe it has been 10 years since I roamed the halls of Lake Mary High. Living in Utah, it was never even a consideration to go back to Florida for the reunion. But I did see some pictures taken at the party of some old friends. Even if I did go, I think I would have been uncomfortable though. I got this really weird feeling seeing those pictures. Even though I value most of my time since high school, I felt like I didn't have much to show for my time. While I have finally found a field that I enjoy, and can actually see myself doing, it has taken most of these last 10 years to figure that out. I'm sure that my experience has been markedly different over that time from my former classmates. I came out to BYU, and went on a mission representing my church. I didn't drink, or smoke, or experiment with drugs. I'm not saying that I think they all did, but I'm sure that many did. I don't know how much we could have related to each other. One thing I noticed in the pictures was that nearly everyone at the reunion had some kind of drink, and none of it looked like fruit punch. I would have been even more of an observer than I was back then. I don't want to sound like I feel like I am better than them because of my faith. I probably could learn a lot about being a good person from many of my old classmates. People that, at first blush, seem so different from me. The thing is, one night in a Florida hotel with 10 years removed from common experience is not the ideal venue for that.
Maybe, if given a more personal setting with my old friends I would have been able to enjoy myself, but large group settings have never been my thing, whether alcohol is being served or not.
Maybe, if given a more personal setting with my old friends I would have been able to enjoy myself, but large group settings have never been my thing, whether alcohol is being served or not.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Hitting the Road
I'm going to Richland, WA this weekend with my brother and step-sister. Our kid sister turned 8, and kid brother turned 16 this month. They've held off the baptism and ordination so we could be there. It's a 9 hour trip or so, we'll be getting there around 7 or 8 PDT. Unfortunately the weather is cold and rainy, and it is a holiday weekend, so we need to be on our toes. But it'll be good to go up and see everybody. It's been about a year and a half since I was there last. Hope you all have a good Memorial Day weekend!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
The "Thrill" of the Hunt
I hate looking for work. It sucks. Just like dating, it is so mercenary. Every employer expects you to be totally loyal, but most won't even give you the time of day if they are not interested in you. They look for loyalty in your resume. "What was the reason you left your previous position?" You make up some BS to sugarcoat why you are looking for work now, but you are really thinking, "I hated my last job, they didn't pay me enough for what they wanted me to do, and I'll leave you too as soon as something better comes along." The reality is that most employers are not going to hire you, so you have to apply at several jobs at a time. And each one you have to tell, "I only have eyes for you, baby!" You just hope that the last one on your list isn't the first one to offer you the position. It wouldn't look good to say, "I'd rather work for the other guys, but please wait just in case they say no." And then you find a job that you think you may like. They ask you to come for an interview, and it goes well. The pay is good, the hours are great, the people are nice. And then when you are finally feeling like you are about to get a job, you do some fact finding, and calculations. The part-time job that sounds so great comes attached with a two-hour roundtrip commute, and no public transportation that comes anywhere close to your destination. So you have to turn your best shot at employment down, and start the search all over again. Ahhh, the thrill of the hunt...whoop-di-freakin'-doo!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Illustrator Final
I am still figuring out a way to post my work in the highest quality way. I tried uploading my work as .pdf files to a site I found called Scribd.com, but they wouldn't go. Maybe I was not patient enough. Anyway, I wanted to share my final project for my Illustrator Basics course that I just finished today. Just click on the picture to get a better view.
I had to incorporate myself into a comic character. I had a lot of fun working on this project, and all my others as well. This is a single frame from a fictional comic book. Dr. Glacier is the arch nemesis of Solar Flare, the main character of the comic. The design kind of came together as I went. I had taken some goofy pictures of myself with my computer and decided to use this one:
It's not terribly flattering, but oh well, Dr. Glacier was born from that look, so it's all good, right? Maybe that's bad, though. I'm not exactly sure what that Cold Formula will do...
I had to incorporate myself into a comic character. I had a lot of fun working on this project, and all my others as well. This is a single frame from a fictional comic book. Dr. Glacier is the arch nemesis of Solar Flare, the main character of the comic. The design kind of came together as I went. I had taken some goofy pictures of myself with my computer and decided to use this one:
It's not terribly flattering, but oh well, Dr. Glacier was born from that look, so it's all good, right? Maybe that's bad, though. I'm not exactly sure what that Cold Formula will do...
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
The Man Who Knew Too Little
If you have never seen the Bill Murray classic The Man Who Knew Too Little, you are really missing out. I don't think people put it up there with Groundhog Day or What About Bob?, but it is hilarious. I watch it if I am having a bad day, and it always picks me up. Anyway, it's about this bumbling guy that thinks he's in some kind of audience participation theater, but he is really caught up in the conspiracy to restart the Cold War. He thinks it's all just an act, so he goes along with it.
The other night I had a dream like that. Except it was the other way around. It was like Candid Camera, or The Truman Show but it was an adventure story. I thought it was all real, only to find out at the end that it was all an act. The kicker was that there were people that I thought were dead, that weren't really dead. In the dream I had a girlfriend that I thought was now dead, but she walked into the debriefing room and I was floored. In the course of the adventure I'd fallen for another woman, but she had really fallen for me too, so I was confused as to what to think. I'd only moved on because I thought the first woman was dead, except she wasn't dead. But I was happy in the current relationship, how would I reconcile that?
I woke up from the dream and thought, "nice try." It doesn't make me feel much better about my current situation, but it does make me think. What is the human capacity for love? How many can be included? On the one hand I don't believe in there being a, "one and only." But on the other, I believe in monogamous relationships. I think of another film, Dan, in Real Life, with Steve Carrell. Is it a betrayal to remarry after the death of a spouse? I think I would have an extremely hard time in that situation.
There is a certain seeming randomness to attraction. There are certain things that I think I find attractive, but no two women I've been interested in over the years have looked anything alike. Tall and short, blonde, brunette, and auburn, petite and full figured, my interests have run the table. But love is different than mere attraction. It is a decision. It is an action. A stake president once said that there were probably many women he could have been happy with, but he chose to be happy with his wife. And he'd chosen that everyday since they were married.
Dating is so mercenary. When you are dating you are looking for what is best for you, which is completely opposite of what marriage is supposed to be. When you are married, you are no longer number one, you are 1-B, at least to yourself. That should be fine, as you ideally become 1-A for your spouse. (Correct me if I've got that wrong married people, I'm working on my observations as an outside party. I'm sure adding children changes things even more, but that is for another blog.) But when dating you are tasked with making the tricky switch from looking out for yourself to looking out for another, and you just hope they make their own switch at the same time. But if they turn around before making that switch...
As stated below, I've let go of an old girlfriend. Well, sort of. I'm letting her go without a fight, not that I have any say or power to keep her from going. But I'm half hoping she comes back on her own, and am loathe to even think of moving on. That's not really letting go then, is it?
The other night I had a dream like that. Except it was the other way around. It was like Candid Camera, or The Truman Show but it was an adventure story. I thought it was all real, only to find out at the end that it was all an act. The kicker was that there were people that I thought were dead, that weren't really dead. In the dream I had a girlfriend that I thought was now dead, but she walked into the debriefing room and I was floored. In the course of the adventure I'd fallen for another woman, but she had really fallen for me too, so I was confused as to what to think. I'd only moved on because I thought the first woman was dead, except she wasn't dead. But I was happy in the current relationship, how would I reconcile that?
I woke up from the dream and thought, "nice try." It doesn't make me feel much better about my current situation, but it does make me think. What is the human capacity for love? How many can be included? On the one hand I don't believe in there being a, "one and only." But on the other, I believe in monogamous relationships. I think of another film, Dan, in Real Life, with Steve Carrell. Is it a betrayal to remarry after the death of a spouse? I think I would have an extremely hard time in that situation.
There is a certain seeming randomness to attraction. There are certain things that I think I find attractive, but no two women I've been interested in over the years have looked anything alike. Tall and short, blonde, brunette, and auburn, petite and full figured, my interests have run the table. But love is different than mere attraction. It is a decision. It is an action. A stake president once said that there were probably many women he could have been happy with, but he chose to be happy with his wife. And he'd chosen that everyday since they were married.
Dating is so mercenary. When you are dating you are looking for what is best for you, which is completely opposite of what marriage is supposed to be. When you are married, you are no longer number one, you are 1-B, at least to yourself. That should be fine, as you ideally become 1-A for your spouse. (Correct me if I've got that wrong married people, I'm working on my observations as an outside party. I'm sure adding children changes things even more, but that is for another blog.) But when dating you are tasked with making the tricky switch from looking out for yourself to looking out for another, and you just hope they make their own switch at the same time. But if they turn around before making that switch...
As stated below, I've let go of an old girlfriend. Well, sort of. I'm letting her go without a fight, not that I have any say or power to keep her from going. But I'm half hoping she comes back on her own, and am loathe to even think of moving on. That's not really letting go then, is it?
Monday, April 28, 2008
Hard Things
Last night I did something very hard. I hope it is worth it. I let go of someone that has meant a lot to me for quite awhile. I'd forgotten, somewhat, how I'd felt about her until we saw each other for the first time in a long time. We dated a few years ago, and when we broke up, it broke my heart. I always felt that our story was not finished at that time, but I stayed away. Until this month that is. Thanks to a bizarre dream on April Fool's, we have done a few things together. It felt very much like old times. But she is leaving at the end of the week, and I may never see her again. I had hoped that somehow we could get back together, that I could somehow talk her into coming back. I realized, however, that I had no place asking her any such thing, especially being unsure how she felt exactly. I felt that I had to let go of her. I had run away when we broke up, and never really faced the issue. I'm still crazy about her. And I told her so, but I also told her that I was letting go. I'll miss her, but I'm at peace about things. I hope I did the right thing, I think I did.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Respect
I'm gaining more respect for those of you that finangle with your blog layouts. It took me awhile to figure out how to get my work on here and have it look good at the same time. I think I need to work on sizing, maybe stretch it out and use some of that open space on the right. But for now, it'll have to do. I'm tired!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Stones
I went to a play last night called Stones. Actually, it was two one-act plays. I didn't know anything about it before going, just a few lines on a poster about it being about family. So I thought it was about a family named Stone, or something else other than what it turned out to be. The production was very minimalist, but that allowed the power of the performance to be on full display. There are 4 more showings at the Covey Center for the Arts in Provo, UT, so if you find yourself that way tonight or next weekend, check it out. Tickets are normally $10, but I picked up a discount card that'll get you $3 dollars off per ticket.
I didn't know what I was in for at all. If you are looking for something light, this isn't it. There is some humor in it, just enough to make you appreciate that you are watching real people, but the subject matter is very serious. Some of the themes concern death, sacrifice, obedience, love, and family. Not for the faint of heart, but very powerful and touching in turns. I totally recommend anyone in the area to see it. I don't want to say too much about the plot, but it is very rewarding and I am so glad I saw it.
I didn't know what I was in for at all. If you are looking for something light, this isn't it. There is some humor in it, just enough to make you appreciate that you are watching real people, but the subject matter is very serious. Some of the themes concern death, sacrifice, obedience, love, and family. Not for the faint of heart, but very powerful and touching in turns. I totally recommend anyone in the area to see it. I don't want to say too much about the plot, but it is very rewarding and I am so glad I saw it.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Daily Obedience
So, staying on target with my resolutions hasn't been easy. One thing or another inspires me for a day or two, and then I start slipping back into old habits. I spoke with my bishop the other day, and he said we had to decide to do what was right every single day, no matter what. That seems daunting, but I think it is possible, it has to be. So I was wondering what you, my intrepid readers, had to say about staying on task. When things are difficult, what do you tell yourself to hold on for a little more?
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Color Festival Craziness
Yesterday, I went with Melinda, Caron, and a couple of Caron's friends down to the Color Festival at the Hare Krishna Temple in Spanish Fork, UT. I'm still a little fuzzy on the significance of the throwing of the colors. But hey, it was fun anyways!
Before the throwing of the colors
After
Caron and I
The color came off pretty easily in the shower when I got home. We'll see how my clothes look after a washing. To see more pictures, just click on any of the above thumbnails.
Before the throwing of the colors
After
Caron and I
The color came off pretty easily in the shower when I got home. We'll see how my clothes look after a washing. To see more pictures, just click on any of the above thumbnails.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Snakes and Snails...
Last week my step-father bought a pure bred Maltese puppy. He's going to be a stud. I mean that quite literally. He is going to be used for breeding. We call him Joe, which is short for a Portuguese phrase that means, Hound of Gold. Go figure. Anyways, he is a cute little sucker, and usually fun to have around. He gets under foot easily as he is not much bigger than that. The thing is he is displacing the cat. She went wherever she liked, until the day Joe showed up. There is no reason for her to be skittish around the puppy, she is 3 times his size, and when he is done growing, she'll still be twice his size. But she is skittish, and rarely leaves the basement. I think she is feeling somewhat neglected as she will now get on my bed and want me to pet her. This would be alright I guess if it weren't for her fur. It's long and fine, and hard to see individually. But you can definitely tell when it is in your mouth, blech!
And now for something completely different:
I'm in my third month of classes at Stevens-Henager, and the two classes I'm in could not be more different. They have me in English 101, which is a grammar class. I haven't had grammar since the fifth grade. I guess they didn't realize I had to write several research papers every semester I was at BYU, and that I might actually have grammar down by now. My other class is Management 330: Advertising. Does that seem strange to anyone else? Advertising is definitely a possible career for a graphic artist, but why am I in this class so early in my studies? Wouldn't it be more useful to take the class near the end of my program? Why number it 330 if it is not meant to be taken later on? Anyways, the classes started last week, and I completed everything for the English class yesterday. I took all my quizzes, submitted all my assignments, and took the final. The only thing I have to do for the class is to log in everyday for the next 2 and a half weeks. My advertising class on the other hand is more involved than that, I can only work ahead so far. I can't wait for more design classes next month.
There is a chance I will have to move and find a job sooner than expected. My step-father has applied for a couple of positions at SUU in Cedar City. If he gets one, then he and my mother will be getting an apartment down there. He feels confident about his qualifications, and it would be great for them financially. While the housing market is quite favorable at this time in most of Utah, their neighborhood is full of houses that are standing empty. For the time being they would not want to try to sell the house. But they would still need to make the house payments on it. No job that would fit with my classes would allow me to make the payments myself. And I doubt I could talk anybody into moving out here to help. One, it is so far away from everything, and two, there is not enough parking space for four individuals with personal cars. I enrolled at the Murray campus to force me to move north when the time came, I just didn't think it might be so soon. If anyone knows any good deals on rent in south Salt Lake County, let me know.
And now for something completely different:
I'm in my third month of classes at Stevens-Henager, and the two classes I'm in could not be more different. They have me in English 101, which is a grammar class. I haven't had grammar since the fifth grade. I guess they didn't realize I had to write several research papers every semester I was at BYU, and that I might actually have grammar down by now. My other class is Management 330: Advertising. Does that seem strange to anyone else? Advertising is definitely a possible career for a graphic artist, but why am I in this class so early in my studies? Wouldn't it be more useful to take the class near the end of my program? Why number it 330 if it is not meant to be taken later on? Anyways, the classes started last week, and I completed everything for the English class yesterday. I took all my quizzes, submitted all my assignments, and took the final. The only thing I have to do for the class is to log in everyday for the next 2 and a half weeks. My advertising class on the other hand is more involved than that, I can only work ahead so far. I can't wait for more design classes next month.
There is a chance I will have to move and find a job sooner than expected. My step-father has applied for a couple of positions at SUU in Cedar City. If he gets one, then he and my mother will be getting an apartment down there. He feels confident about his qualifications, and it would be great for them financially. While the housing market is quite favorable at this time in most of Utah, their neighborhood is full of houses that are standing empty. For the time being they would not want to try to sell the house. But they would still need to make the house payments on it. No job that would fit with my classes would allow me to make the payments myself. And I doubt I could talk anybody into moving out here to help. One, it is so far away from everything, and two, there is not enough parking space for four individuals with personal cars. I enrolled at the Murray campus to force me to move north when the time came, I just didn't think it might be so soon. If anyone knows any good deals on rent in south Salt Lake County, let me know.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Not Quite Magically Delicious
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Second Tag Post On The Front Page
Man, it's been about two months since my last post. Nothing seemed post worthy for awhile there, but I have completed 3 classes at my new school and about to start my 4th and 5th classes. My classes are primarily online, so I haven't gotten out much in the last month. Getting tagged by Christy has finally prodded me back to the blogosphere.
1. What time did you get up this morning? 10ish
2. What do you usually have for breakfast? Um, I don't usually eat breakfast any more. I feel sick if I eat too soon after waking up. But if I do have something it will probably be a mug of hot chocolate and some toast.
3. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Elephant by The White Stripes.
4. What kind of car do you drive? A white Honda Accord.
5. Favorite sandwich? The first thing that popped into my head was an Angus Beef sandwich from Schlotski's Deli, that or a Throgs Neck Bridge sandwich from Gandolfo's.
6. Favorite item of clothing? a green and blue plaid shirt that I have had for years, and before that a blue and yellow plaid shirt I got on my mission, but that one is too worn out to wear anymore.
7. If you could go anywhere in the world for a vacation, where would you go? I'd start with England, but I would also like to go to Japan, New Zealand, Hawaii, Alaska (in summer) and other places as well.
8. What color is your bathroom? Gee, I think it is white, with a underwater themed shower curtain.
9. Where would you retire? Hard question, I'd want to be warm during the winter, and cool during the summer, I'd have to be one of those snow birds and migrate, north for the summer and south for the winter.
10. Most memorable birthday? For my 23rd birthday I helped plan a surprise party for myself. Wood and I invited a bunch of friends to it, "Don't say anything, it's a surprise!" I got an issue of the Weekly World News, a popsicle mold, and a yellow blow-up seamonster I named Agnes and hung in our living room all summer.
11. Favorite sport to watch? Football followed closely by basketball
12. Are you a morning person or a night person? With no reason to get up early for work, I would go to bed late, and wake up late, so definitely not a morning person, but I don't really think of myself as a night person either.
13. What is your shoe size? 10-10 1/2
14. Pets? I have lived with pets all my life but have never had one that was my pet. I like pets until it comes time to clean up after them.
15. What did you want to be when you were little? A fireman, or an astronaut, or a transformer ;).
16. What are you today? A student, same as always, this time to be a graphic artist.
17. What is your favorite candy? Dark chocolate
18. Your favorite flower? ummm...
19. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? August 2009, when I finally graduate.
20. What are you listening to right now? My mother singing Roger and Hammerstein's Cinderella
21. What is the last thing you ate? A supersonic burger, tatertots, and a Cherry limeade, mmmm.
22. Do you wish on stars? Every once in a while.
23. What faith are you? LDS
24. Who was the last person you spoke with on the phone? My home teaching companion about setting up appointments
25. Hair Color? Brown with some red and, gulp, gray!
26. Name of your favorite school teacher? Dr. Tobler, a history professor at BYU. But if this means before college, then Mr Ware, middle school geography.
27. Chocolate or vanilla? I just had some really good dark chocolate ice cream, but vanilla is so much more flexible. Chocolate on it's own, vanilla as a foundation to build off of.
28. When was the last time you cried? I teared up last night watching Dan in Real Life.
29. What is under your bed? maybe a dirty sock.
30. What did you do last night? Watched Dan in Real Life.
31. Favorite smell? Fresh baked bread.
32. What are you afraid of? Coming up short at a critical moment.
33. How many towns have you lived in? at least 13, not including all the different towns I lived in on my mission.
34. Do you make friends easily? I can, if I let myself, if I am somewhere new and don't have any friends already near by.
I tag…I feel like I just did this recently, so anyone that feels like answering the questions in this post and reads this blog!
1. What time did you get up this morning? 10ish
2. What do you usually have for breakfast? Um, I don't usually eat breakfast any more. I feel sick if I eat too soon after waking up. But if I do have something it will probably be a mug of hot chocolate and some toast.
3. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Elephant by The White Stripes.
4. What kind of car do you drive? A white Honda Accord.
5. Favorite sandwich? The first thing that popped into my head was an Angus Beef sandwich from Schlotski's Deli, that or a Throgs Neck Bridge sandwich from Gandolfo's.
6. Favorite item of clothing? a green and blue plaid shirt that I have had for years, and before that a blue and yellow plaid shirt I got on my mission, but that one is too worn out to wear anymore.
7. If you could go anywhere in the world for a vacation, where would you go? I'd start with England, but I would also like to go to Japan, New Zealand, Hawaii, Alaska (in summer) and other places as well.
8. What color is your bathroom? Gee, I think it is white, with a underwater themed shower curtain.
9. Where would you retire? Hard question, I'd want to be warm during the winter, and cool during the summer, I'd have to be one of those snow birds and migrate, north for the summer and south for the winter.
10. Most memorable birthday? For my 23rd birthday I helped plan a surprise party for myself. Wood and I invited a bunch of friends to it, "Don't say anything, it's a surprise!" I got an issue of the Weekly World News, a popsicle mold, and a yellow blow-up seamonster I named Agnes and hung in our living room all summer.
11. Favorite sport to watch? Football followed closely by basketball
12. Are you a morning person or a night person? With no reason to get up early for work, I would go to bed late, and wake up late, so definitely not a morning person, but I don't really think of myself as a night person either.
13. What is your shoe size? 10-10 1/2
14. Pets? I have lived with pets all my life but have never had one that was my pet. I like pets until it comes time to clean up after them.
15. What did you want to be when you were little? A fireman, or an astronaut, or a transformer ;).
16. What are you today? A student, same as always, this time to be a graphic artist.
17. What is your favorite candy? Dark chocolate
18. Your favorite flower? ummm...
19. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? August 2009, when I finally graduate.
20. What are you listening to right now? My mother singing Roger and Hammerstein's Cinderella
21. What is the last thing you ate? A supersonic burger, tatertots, and a Cherry limeade, mmmm.
22. Do you wish on stars? Every once in a while.
23. What faith are you? LDS
24. Who was the last person you spoke with on the phone? My home teaching companion about setting up appointments
25. Hair Color? Brown with some red and, gulp, gray!
26. Name of your favorite school teacher? Dr. Tobler, a history professor at BYU. But if this means before college, then Mr Ware, middle school geography.
27. Chocolate or vanilla? I just had some really good dark chocolate ice cream, but vanilla is so much more flexible. Chocolate on it's own, vanilla as a foundation to build off of.
28. When was the last time you cried? I teared up last night watching Dan in Real Life.
29. What is under your bed? maybe a dirty sock.
30. What did you do last night? Watched Dan in Real Life.
31. Favorite smell? Fresh baked bread.
32. What are you afraid of? Coming up short at a critical moment.
33. How many towns have you lived in? at least 13, not including all the different towns I lived in on my mission.
34. Do you make friends easily? I can, if I let myself, if I am somewhere new and don't have any friends already near by.
I tag…I feel like I just did this recently, so anyone that feels like answering the questions in this post and reads this blog!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Standing For Something
It is said that a prophet is never appreciated in his own time. We read over and over in Scripture how the prophets of old were persecuted, reviled, and slain by the people of their generation, and then are revered by later generations. I think it was because those prophets were not around anymore to disagree with the people, so they could be interpreted any way that suited the people.
I think by and large that while we don't revile and stone our modern prophets in such visible ways, many still turn a deaf ear to their words. It may not even be an active or wantonly purposeful decision to ignore them, but people let their lives get in the way. So much is going on that no lingering thought is given to their words.
President Gordon B. Hinckley passed away on Sunday, January 27, 2008. As I listened to KSL radio on my way to school the next day, I started to realize that while I loved hearing him speak at conference time and other occasions, I was just as guilty of ignoring the prophet as the people I have described. He was the prophet of my teenage years and early adulthood. I don't recall much of General Conferences before he was called. Much of my spiritual thought has been triggered and shaped by his words and deeds, and yet for all that, still I did not fully appreciate what it meant to have a living prophet. It was easy to say that I followed the prophet because I stayed away from much of the negative influences of the world while growing up. But President Hinckley was not really about the 'don'ts,' he was about 'doing'. And that's where I feel I have always lacked.
Recently I have posted that I want to break the lesser patterns of my life. To honor President Hinckley and his message is to continue with my goals. But I need to add to those goals. Within a few short days, the next prophet will be set apart. I challenge myself to follow the next prophet in the manner that I should have followed President Hinckley, not just at conference time, but everyday, in everything. If you feel a little bit like I have, then I challenge you to do the same.
I think by and large that while we don't revile and stone our modern prophets in such visible ways, many still turn a deaf ear to their words. It may not even be an active or wantonly purposeful decision to ignore them, but people let their lives get in the way. So much is going on that no lingering thought is given to their words.
President Gordon B. Hinckley passed away on Sunday, January 27, 2008. As I listened to KSL radio on my way to school the next day, I started to realize that while I loved hearing him speak at conference time and other occasions, I was just as guilty of ignoring the prophet as the people I have described. He was the prophet of my teenage years and early adulthood. I don't recall much of General Conferences before he was called. Much of my spiritual thought has been triggered and shaped by his words and deeds, and yet for all that, still I did not fully appreciate what it meant to have a living prophet. It was easy to say that I followed the prophet because I stayed away from much of the negative influences of the world while growing up. But President Hinckley was not really about the 'don'ts,' he was about 'doing'. And that's where I feel I have always lacked.
Recently I have posted that I want to break the lesser patterns of my life. To honor President Hinckley and his message is to continue with my goals. But I need to add to those goals. Within a few short days, the next prophet will be set apart. I challenge myself to follow the next prophet in the manner that I should have followed President Hinckley, not just at conference time, but everyday, in everything. If you feel a little bit like I have, then I challenge you to do the same.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Starting Over
I went to my first day of class today! I'm not in any classes that are specific to my program yet, but it is good to be back in class. My first two classes are Computer Fundamentals (mostly Microsoft Office), and Student Success. Neither will be very challenging, which is a good way to ease back into being a student again. I also picked up my brand new MacBook Pro at school. Maybe I should now consolidate all my Apple gear into one entry on my list of favorite toys. I'd like to add camping gear as a favorite toy come warmer weather, but I don't really own any besides a sleeping bag. I need to get in better shape so I can go hiking with friends and not be the last one to the top.
Speaking of which, yesterday the Masked Mallard and I went with Kristicity and her family sledding. We only went to a park in Sandy, but it was lots of fun. There were quite a few people there, which was good so the snow was already packed down. The Mallard has a bunch of sleds that really took advantage of the packed snow. One problem with so many people though was dodging the people coming back up. Some folks didn't seem to understand that they should climb back up the side of the hill rather than come straight back up the middle where everyone else wanted to go down. Oh well. Channel 2 sent a reporter and a camera man to the park while we were there, so if you were watching the local news last night, you may have seen us. Anyways, halfway through I started sucking some major air when climbing back up. I probably could have done a third more runs if I hadn't taken so long to climb up and then rest at the top. But it was a lot of fun, even though I was totally exhausted when we were done.
Speaking of which, yesterday the Masked Mallard and I went with Kristicity and her family sledding. We only went to a park in Sandy, but it was lots of fun. There were quite a few people there, which was good so the snow was already packed down. The Mallard has a bunch of sleds that really took advantage of the packed snow. One problem with so many people though was dodging the people coming back up. Some folks didn't seem to understand that they should climb back up the side of the hill rather than come straight back up the middle where everyone else wanted to go down. Oh well. Channel 2 sent a reporter and a camera man to the park while we were there, so if you were watching the local news last night, you may have seen us. Anyways, halfway through I started sucking some major air when climbing back up. I probably could have done a third more runs if I hadn't taken so long to climb up and then rest at the top. But it was a lot of fun, even though I was totally exhausted when we were done.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Tagged and Bagged
Five things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. Trying, unsuccessfully, to get into Top Band.
2. Trying out for my HS production of Annie Get Your Gun.
3. Starting my first art class and loving it.
4. Having my first vague notions of where I would go to college.
5. Hoping we could keep the Camry when we got the minivan, so I could have a car.
Five things I want to do in the next 10 years:
1. Start a family.
2. Travel to Europe.
3. Finally graduate.
4. Drive the Pacific Coast from the Puget Sound to San Francisco Bay, or vice versa.
5. Live somewhere green.
Five things I look forward to learning at my new school:
1. Graphic illustration
2. Digital photography
3. Flash animation
4. Keyboard shortcuts in Photoshop and Illustrator
5. Design aesthetics
Five movies I have watched recently that I really enjoy:
1. Stranger than Fiction
2. The Man Who Knew Too Little
3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
4. The Incredibles
5. Casino Royale
My favorite toys:
1. My iPhone
2. My iMac
3. My growing TV on DVD collection
4. My Car
5. Board Games in general
Five people to tag:
1. Kristi
2. John
3. Alison
4. Brent
5. Katey
1. Trying, unsuccessfully, to get into Top Band.
2. Trying out for my HS production of Annie Get Your Gun.
3. Starting my first art class and loving it.
4. Having my first vague notions of where I would go to college.
5. Hoping we could keep the Camry when we got the minivan, so I could have a car.
Five things I want to do in the next 10 years:
1. Start a family.
2. Travel to Europe.
3. Finally graduate.
4. Drive the Pacific Coast from the Puget Sound to San Francisco Bay, or vice versa.
5. Live somewhere green.
Five things I look forward to learning at my new school:
1. Graphic illustration
2. Digital photography
3. Flash animation
4. Keyboard shortcuts in Photoshop and Illustrator
5. Design aesthetics
Five movies I have watched recently that I really enjoy:
1. Stranger than Fiction
2. The Man Who Knew Too Little
3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
4. The Incredibles
5. Casino Royale
My favorite toys:
1. My iPhone
2. My iMac
3. My growing TV on DVD collection
4. My Car
5. Board Games in general
Five people to tag:
1. Kristi
2. John
3. Alison
4. Brent
5. Katey
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Transfer Credit
I picked up my transcript from BYU this week and took it to Stevens-Henager to see if any classes would transfer. Looks like I get credit for 12 credits, or three different classes. I won't have to take Philosophy, History, or Math at S-H. I would have hoped that I wouldn't have to take the writing class either, but this is still good news. This cuts 3 months off of my program and saves me $4300 in tuition! Now I just have $5800 to pay to the school, which will be a lot more manageable. Once I get back into the swing of being in classes again, I will probably look to work for some company that will help pay my tuition. This will be real good, because the school will match dollar for dollar what the company pays, up to $5000. That'd be great!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
High Resolution
So I posted things I was looking forward to a few weeks ago, some were short term, some long. I have accomplished some of the things I was looking forward to, and now wanted to somewhat qualify the long term goals I had.
1. Go back to school: I went to Stevens-Henager last week to get more information about their Graphic Arts program, and ended up filling out all the preliminary paperwork for enrollment and financial aid. I have until the fifth day of class to back out with no obligation to pay anything, and then after that I will be up to my eyeballs in student debt. I was all gung-ho until we were almost done with all the forms when the weight of what I was taking on started to set in. But I still want to do it and think that it is worth it. My BYU education was paid for primarily by sources outside myself, and I don't think I appreciated that enough. Now that most of it will be paid by me, I have a larger ownership, or investment if you will, in my own education. I think this is good. And of all the things to go into debt for, one's education is the most acceptable. There will still be a lot that will not be covered by loans and grants, but I have a feeling that that won't be a problem, which brings me to...
2. Get active in church: Like I posted earlier, ever since I went away this summer I have let myself slip in spiritual things. I have some things to do yet to get back on track, but I have had the feeling lately that if I do, my education will be paid for, one way or another. I went to my brother's singles ward and requested my records be transferred there. I was having second thoughts in Sunday School however (some obnoxious people were getting on my nerves), but by the end of the block I was ok again.
3. Get in shape: I gained a lot of weight on my mission, and I never lost it all, and then during my time in New York I gained some more. I think for my height I should be about 180, but I think getting down to 200 is an achievable goal. I think if I can do that a lot of things will be better in my life.
4. Date more: I think working on the first three goals will help me out on this one. I am interested in a certain kind of girl, and the specifications aren't in height, weight, body style, or hair color, but in how she lives her life, and what kind of expectations she has. And I generally feel that, at the moment, I don't meet a large portion of those expectations. Which means either I change myself, or I change my own expectations. But a Groucho Marx quote comes to mind, "I will never join a club that will have me [as I am right now] as a member."
1. Go back to school: I went to Stevens-Henager last week to get more information about their Graphic Arts program, and ended up filling out all the preliminary paperwork for enrollment and financial aid. I have until the fifth day of class to back out with no obligation to pay anything, and then after that I will be up to my eyeballs in student debt. I was all gung-ho until we were almost done with all the forms when the weight of what I was taking on started to set in. But I still want to do it and think that it is worth it. My BYU education was paid for primarily by sources outside myself, and I don't think I appreciated that enough. Now that most of it will be paid by me, I have a larger ownership, or investment if you will, in my own education. I think this is good. And of all the things to go into debt for, one's education is the most acceptable. There will still be a lot that will not be covered by loans and grants, but I have a feeling that that won't be a problem, which brings me to...
2. Get active in church: Like I posted earlier, ever since I went away this summer I have let myself slip in spiritual things. I have some things to do yet to get back on track, but I have had the feeling lately that if I do, my education will be paid for, one way or another. I went to my brother's singles ward and requested my records be transferred there. I was having second thoughts in Sunday School however (some obnoxious people were getting on my nerves), but by the end of the block I was ok again.
3. Get in shape: I gained a lot of weight on my mission, and I never lost it all, and then during my time in New York I gained some more. I think for my height I should be about 180, but I think getting down to 200 is an achievable goal. I think if I can do that a lot of things will be better in my life.
4. Date more: I think working on the first three goals will help me out on this one. I am interested in a certain kind of girl, and the specifications aren't in height, weight, body style, or hair color, but in how she lives her life, and what kind of expectations she has. And I generally feel that, at the moment, I don't meet a large portion of those expectations. Which means either I change myself, or I change my own expectations. But a Groucho Marx quote comes to mind, "I will never join a club that will have me [as I am right now] as a member."
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