Mistakes

My mother is getting divorced again. And that makes me sad. Not because I like her husband, but because I dislike him. It's sad that this man duped my mother. She's a sucker for a sales pitch, and I hope that if she ever gets married again, that I can spend some serious time around him before the wedding day. I met her present husband on the way to the courthouse. I didn't know what to think, except I could see that my mother was happy, so I was happy for her. But there have been things, red flags that have come up over the last 4 years. He was a weird guy. Not that my family isn't weird in our own way, but his sense of humor was on the opposite wavelength. When we would be silly, he was serious, and vice versa. Then there were the money scams. You know: "Hello, I am in need to move money to America, and am need to use agent for bank purposes." The first time I heard that he was working with someone overseas to move money into the country, I knew it was a scam. But, he was over 50, and I was still in college, so I merely asked if it was legit, and he said that he had checked it out. A short time later MY bank account had to be closed because of fraud related to HIS account. See, my mother had her name on one of his accounts, as well as on mine, so it daisy chained down to my account. Luckily, I only had $5 to my name at the time. Funny thing is, that was neither the first time nor the last time he had gotten involved in such a thing. Then there was the string of 4 or 5 jobs he went through in a year. When I went to Denver two summers ago, I needed a place to put my things. Well, mostly my furniture, which I had only been borrowing from my mother. WHen she mentioned to him that I was bringing it back up to the house, he threw a fit. When I had to work on my car this summer, I was worried about how much it was going to cost to have it repaired. He made some comment about putting the car into a trust. A trust in MY name, but under HIS control. The car would essentially be his, and I could borrow it, but he would, over time, pay for the repairs. He's maxed out a couple of credit cards, and has hardly helped financially with the house. All of this, and my mother finally decided to start the ball rolling on getting divorced.

Even with all of these things, I never felt it was my place to be say anything negative about him to my mother. It was her marriage, if she wanted to make it work, I wouldn't stop her.

Now that she is planning on seeing a lawyer, some new information has come to the surface. She found correspondence between him and several "clients". It seems that these clients are young women that are not too different in age than me, maybe a little older. And no mention is made of my mother being his wife. And how each is the only one that he thinks about. In fact, there is a woman coming from the Ukraine that he wants someone in the ward to host while she looks for a job. She is not LDS, but he entertains thoughts of converting her. He asked a lady in their ward if she would take her up to Temple Square, but not mention any of his marital problems to this foreigner.

My mom also found some other disturbing and inappropriate materials while searching for bank and credit records.

I went out with my bishop the other night to see some people in the ward. He asked how my mom and her husband were doing, he would go to their ward if he weren't the singles ward bishop. I told him that things were bad, and that she was working on getting a divorce. He said that he always thought that they seemed fine at church and other activities. And I thought to myself, "SEEMED is the operative term here." He seems fine, he seems like he doesn't have financial, emotional, and marital problems. He seems like he has it all together, and that he is just going through a rough patch. But underneath it all, he's just been using my mother and her home. Maybe, he really has a problem, a mental problem that can explain his behavior. And if he does, then that will be taken into account in the next life. But here in this one, he needs to move on and move out.

Thinking about it, it was almost four years ago when my mom met him online. She'd been dating a lot of guys that whole year when He came along. He invited her out to visit him in Ohio. It was Christmas break, and she asked me if she should go. I told her to go. I felt that the worst thing that could happen was that she would go and it wouldn't work out. Ohio was where she grew up, she still knew people out there, and my cousin and his family lived nearby in Indiana. She could have all of these good times out there. I also thought she would drive me nuts talking about him if she stayed. I never thought that they would be married less than two months later, or that he would turn out to be as big a scum bag as he has. But I don't feel guilty for advising my mom to go out there, how were we to know how it would play out. It's just feels ironic, and a little bit sad.