Less Than Five Days

I don't know how much it has set in yet that my world is completely changing in less than five days. I started trickling my things over to Am's condo a few days ago. Hopefully it won't take too long before it feels like OUR place. It'll be SO nice to cut the small commute out of our schedules. And to settle into a married schedule. While dating and including the engagement we've tried to spend as much time together as we could, and our sleep habits have gotten wonky. It'll be nice to be together AND get a good night's rest. But there are so many other adjustments to be made and discussions to have. But I am ready to get into it. I don't think I'll miss being single too much.

School is going well. My classes are fun and challenging, and are definitely learning experiences. I am seeing that my time at S-H was good preparation for UVU, but I still have a lot to learn.

We've decided to go down to Cedar City instead of the Oregon Coast. Less driving, more resting, less cold, more warmth. Oregon will come at some point for us, I still think it will be fun, but we don't need to have a second vacation to recuperate from the first.

Things I Missed

Today marks the 40th Anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. So to commemorate the event, Am's family got together to recount their memories of that time, as well as other memories of the space program. This is significant because Am's grandfather is Don Lind, the first LDS astronaut. Here is an article from the Salt Lake Tribune about him. He has many amazing stories and experiences about his time in NASA. He was scheduled to go to the moon on one of the later Apollo missions that got cancelled, but later flew on the space shuttle Challenger on it's second to last mission.

While listening to his stories, and the rest of the family's, I realized what I had missed for the first time. My paternal grandfather died when my dad was ten, and my maternal grandfather died months after I was born. I never knew them. And I never fully appreciated not having them around either. The wealth of experience, insight, and love is incalculable for the younger generation.

We will be greatly blessed to have Grandpa Lind perform our sealing in October. I am looking forward to getting a grandfather for awhile, and hopefully a long while. But I wish I could have known my own grandfathers, the men who helped shape my parents. I never knew them, but I love them and miss them anyway.

Olde Tymes

Just want to thank Bekah and Thomas for hosting a barbecue at their place, as well as Woodine and Alison for allowing the boys along, too. Now a few more have gotten to meet Am! It was great to catch up and to see all of the kiddos interact as well! Now thanks to the (not so) subtle suggestion of Woodine, I'm posting a couple of pictures on this blog!

From BBQ

From BBQ

From BBQ

From BBQ

From BBQ

From BBQ

From BBQ

From BBQ

From BBQ

I'm Ashamed of Myself

I want to apologize to all of my married friends that read this blog and those that don't as well. I didn't take attending your weddings and receptions very seriously. I went to many of them, but I missed a lot, too. I always disliked attending wedding receptions. I would think, "Why should I go to a party where I only know a few, or less, of the people, and only get to spend a minute with them? What could my brief appearance mean to them with so many others around?" I never thought that it could mean very much. I was wrong, dead wrong.

Our date is set for October 10th, a day that works with our respective schedules, but comes at an awkward time for people that don't live close by. Most of Am's family lives nearby, as do her friends. But mine are spread out, from sea to shining sea. Who can come mid-semester, or who can get off work for a few days, and afford the trip? I can totally understand if you can't come. But some of you will be coming and that means the world to me. More than I thought it would mean. And for those who can't come, Am and I will want to see you if and when you come into town for holidays or other events. I go on and on about my friends, but she needs faces to go with names. So please let us know when you'll be in town!

A Little Announcement...

I am now engaged to be married to one Amber Kuhn of Houston, Texas.

Meet the Parents

I've had the opportunity to spend some time around Am's parents this week. They are good people, and I'm glad she has the wonderful family she does. But this week has felt like an extended job interview. I felt like I was being weighed in the balance and hoped that I wouldn't be found wanting.

Last night her dad told me that they felt like I respected their daughter, that they were glad that we were seeing each other, and that I had made a good first impression. And he said that if we would go to the temple for baptisms, then they would know we were being good. This definitely makes me feel relieved. 

Deer Valley

I went skiing on Thursday with my brother. I had been kind of nervous about it this week. You see, previous to our trip this week, it had been over 12 years since I had been skiing. Couple that with the news about the actress that died from complications of a seemingly minor fall, my reticence might be justified. It wasn't. We had a blast.  

We thought it would be wise to go on the bunny hill first to see if we remembered how to ski after all these years. But the bunny hill was populated with practically all children and ski instructors or parents. My pride got the better of me so I said we should just take a real run and find out the hard way. Skiing is like riding a bike. Both my brother and I were amazed at how quickly we got up to speed, picking up pretty much where we had left off so long ago.

I was surprised by how long I lasted up there.  I was expecting more of an aerobic experience which would have knocked me out pretty fast.  But it was more like resistance training.  The first run down I was worried about my feet and legs cramping up, but once we got to the bottom and I tightened all the bindings on my boots I was fine.

It was a beautiful day on the slopes.  The snow started getting a tad slushy as the day wore on, which lead to my only fall, which wasn't too bad.  I was going a little too fast and my ski caught an edge in the slushy snow.

We lasted about five hours before our legs threatened to turn to jello. It was nice then that our lift tickets had been given to us rather than buying them ourselves. Skiing is an expensive hobby, but especially so at Deer Valley. The lift passes there go for $80 each! We rented our gear from Outdoors Unlimited at BYU for considerably less than I would have imagined. While renting our stuff, they had a board that listed the conditions at the local ski resorts, with some comments about each place underneath. For Deer Valley they said if you could afford the lift passes, then you could afford to own your own gear.

I like skiing more than tubing or sledding, except for the cost. I have the hardest time with climbing back up after a sledding run, even on relatively small hills. If only they had lifts for sledding! But then, that would increase the cost for that activity as well.

Christmas Wishes

Painting by Jon McNaughton

Wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

BG3

I'm grateful for you, dear readers. Most, if not all, of you are very dear friends to me. Most of you I have known for over a decade, and a couple for much longer than that. We've got a lot of really good memories, both trivial and poignant. At least one of you has appreciated me not being judgmental, and I appreciate that in all of you towards me. I said how grateful I am for my family before. I don't know my extended family real well, not like some of you know yours. I wish I knew them better. But all of you I consider to be my extended family; you are more than just friends.

Good Sometimes

A comment on the previous post made me think about a conversation I was a part of the other day. My mom and I were talking with our neighbor about parenting (I was mostly listening). And my mom mentioned how sometimes when she would get mad at me and my brother, she would yell, and sometimes scream. And then she would feel terrible, like she was a failure, that she wasn't a good mother. One day when I was very young, she was feeling particularly bad about her perceived failures when she walked in on me watching Mister Roger's Neighborhood. I was singing a version of a song I heard on the show. I have included in it's entirety at the end of this post. I sang:

Sometimes kitties are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same kitties who are good sometimes
Are the very same kitties who are bad sometimes.

Sometimes mommies are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same mommies who are good sometimes
Are the very same mommies who are bad sometimes.

A lot of times, we think in terms of black and white. Things are either good, or they are bad. When we do good things we feel we are on top of the world. But when we make bad decisions, we forget or discount the good things that we have done, and we just focus on the bad things. We can bring ourselves down pretty low, even to the point of feeling worthless. I think it is hard for us to reconcile the fact that good people can make bad decisions, especially within ourselves. Even Nephi of old dealt with this issue. "Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul greiveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me." (2 Ne 4:17-18) See the rest of 2 Nephi 4 because it has a lot to do with the rest of the post.

I think it is important to remember we have dual natures. The classic cartoon representation of this is a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. We need to realize that we are good, we just make mistakes. We need to realize that the good advice we give each other is the same advice we need to follow in our own lives. When people compliment me, one of the first things I do is think, "If only you knew about X, if only people knew." I know I am a good person, but reconciling that with my bad choices is hard to do. I'm not saying that we need to accept the bad, live with the bad, wallow in the bad. What I think we need to accept is that we are good. Live with the good. Wallow in the good. We have a great aid in doing this. We celebrate his birth in about 3 weeks. We need to trust in Him. I don't say this because I am particularly good at it, because I'm not. But It's what I would tell anyone else, so why shouldn't I follow it?

So I want to ask what you think. What do you do to reconcile the differences within yourselves? And if you have a hard time doing that, what advice would you give me? And then I would challenge you to turn around and follow that advice.

Again, here are the lyrics to the song I sang a real long time ago. It helped my mom remember that she was not a bad mother. Hopefully, it will remind you that you aren't bad either.

Sometimes People Are Good

Sometimes people are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...

Sometimes people get wet.
And their parents get upset.
But the very same people who get wet sometimes
Are the very same people who are dry sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...

Sometimes people make noise
And they break each other's toys.
But the very same people who are noisy sometimes
Are the very same people who are quiet sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...

Sometimes people get mad
And they feel like being bad.
But the very same people who are mad sometimes
Are the very same people who are glad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...

Sometimes people are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me...
Isn't it the same for you?

© 1967 Fred M. Rogers

Thanksgiving

Ah, Thanksgiving! Despite the weirdness at my place, we had a good Thanksgiving. We had my brother up and my aunt over, and actually ate dinner over at our neighbor's. We made enough for everyone, and so did they, so there are plenty o' leftovers. Yay!

I learned that my cousin, who I like though we're not very close, is a real jerk. He lives up in SLC and had his family to his place for dinner. His dad, his sisters, and his in-laws. Everyone except his own mother that lives in PG. Through his sister texting her, he let his mom know that there was not enough room for her to come. That to me is unacceptable. She was nervous about having dinner with his inlaws, but to have the invitation rescinded at the last minute was terrible. My aunt is not a perfect person, she's made mistakes, but nothing so heinous to deserve that kind of treatment. We love having her over, so she had somewhere to be, but I can't believe there was not room enough for her.

On a happier note, this year marked the tenth anniversary of having Thanksgiving at The Masked Mallard's for the first time along with our friend John. That invitation was great because I was missing just my second Thanksgiving at home ever. We had such a good time, that even though my family is out here now, we've usually done something at their place during Thanksgiving weekend ever since. A lot of really good memories have come from that invitation. Thanks so much!

Mistakes

My mother is getting divorced again. And that makes me sad. Not because I like her husband, but because I dislike him. It's sad that this man duped my mother. She's a sucker for a sales pitch, and I hope that if she ever gets married again, that I can spend some serious time around him before the wedding day. I met her present husband on the way to the courthouse. I didn't know what to think, except I could see that my mother was happy, so I was happy for her. But there have been things, red flags that have come up over the last 4 years. He was a weird guy. Not that my family isn't weird in our own way, but his sense of humor was on the opposite wavelength. When we would be silly, he was serious, and vice versa. Then there were the money scams. You know: "Hello, I am in need to move money to America, and am need to use agent for bank purposes." The first time I heard that he was working with someone overseas to move money into the country, I knew it was a scam. But, he was over 50, and I was still in college, so I merely asked if it was legit, and he said that he had checked it out. A short time later MY bank account had to be closed because of fraud related to HIS account. See, my mother had her name on one of his accounts, as well as on mine, so it daisy chained down to my account. Luckily, I only had $5 to my name at the time. Funny thing is, that was neither the first time nor the last time he had gotten involved in such a thing. Then there was the string of 4 or 5 jobs he went through in a year. When I went to Denver two summers ago, I needed a place to put my things. Well, mostly my furniture, which I had only been borrowing from my mother. WHen she mentioned to him that I was bringing it back up to the house, he threw a fit. When I had to work on my car this summer, I was worried about how much it was going to cost to have it repaired. He made some comment about putting the car into a trust. A trust in MY name, but under HIS control. The car would essentially be his, and I could borrow it, but he would, over time, pay for the repairs. He's maxed out a couple of credit cards, and has hardly helped financially with the house. All of this, and my mother finally decided to start the ball rolling on getting divorced.

Even with all of these things, I never felt it was my place to be say anything negative about him to my mother. It was her marriage, if she wanted to make it work, I wouldn't stop her.

Now that she is planning on seeing a lawyer, some new information has come to the surface. She found correspondence between him and several "clients". It seems that these clients are young women that are not too different in age than me, maybe a little older. And no mention is made of my mother being his wife. And how each is the only one that he thinks about. In fact, there is a woman coming from the Ukraine that he wants someone in the ward to host while she looks for a job. She is not LDS, but he entertains thoughts of converting her. He asked a lady in their ward if she would take her up to Temple Square, but not mention any of his marital problems to this foreigner.

My mom also found some other disturbing and inappropriate materials while searching for bank and credit records.

I went out with my bishop the other night to see some people in the ward. He asked how my mom and her husband were doing, he would go to their ward if he weren't the singles ward bishop. I told him that things were bad, and that she was working on getting a divorce. He said that he always thought that they seemed fine at church and other activities. And I thought to myself, "SEEMED is the operative term here." He seems fine, he seems like he doesn't have financial, emotional, and marital problems. He seems like he has it all together, and that he is just going through a rough patch. But underneath it all, he's just been using my mother and her home. Maybe, he really has a problem, a mental problem that can explain his behavior. And if he does, then that will be taken into account in the next life. But here in this one, he needs to move on and move out.

Thinking about it, it was almost four years ago when my mom met him online. She'd been dating a lot of guys that whole year when He came along. He invited her out to visit him in Ohio. It was Christmas break, and she asked me if she should go. I told her to go. I felt that the worst thing that could happen was that she would go and it wouldn't work out. Ohio was where she grew up, she still knew people out there, and my cousin and his family lived nearby in Indiana. She could have all of these good times out there. I also thought she would drive me nuts talking about him if she stayed. I never thought that they would be married less than two months later, or that he would turn out to be as big a scum bag as he has. But I don't feel guilty for advising my mom to go out there, how were we to know how it would play out. It's just feels ironic, and a little bit sad.

A Bit of a Scare

We had a bit of a scare tonight. My mom's husband is an adjunct professor at the recently rebranded Utah Valley University. He teaches evening classes twice a week. As he was getting ready to go, our little dog Joe wanted to follow him. I fully expected Robert* to turn Joe away as he left, but was surprised when he asked, "Joe, do you want to come to school with me?" Of course, Joe wanted to go, not knowing what Robert was talking about. It was good that it was a cool day, because I'm sure he had to leave Joe in the car while teaching the class. My mom and I had been talking the whole time they were gone, when she got a call on her cellphone. It was Robert, and he needed her to call the vet, something had happened to Joe. So we scrambled to find the vet's number, but no answer and no voicemail. In the meantime, Robert showed up with Joe in the passenger seat. He looked asleep and was breathing heavily. So we called around, and the closest office we could get a hold of was up in Sandy, another 20-30 minutes away. SInce that was the only option, we had to take it, and Robert headed that direction. Mom and I were discussing what could be wrong with the dog, apparently he had jumped out the window and hurt himself. We worried that he may have broken his little neck. Then we heard Robert pull into the driveway, and we thought that he must have passed away before they got to Sandy. Fortunately, Joe was awake in Robert's arms, though subdued. He didn't think that any bones were broken, but wasn't sure of any internal injuries, so he's not out of the woods yet. I think we'll take him in tomorrow to have him checked out. Hopefully, we won't lose the little guy.

This whole episode brings up my concerns about Robert. Notice I don't call him my stepfather. I don't really want anything to do with him. He's showed many lapses in judgement just in the last eight months that I've lived at home. He was the main reason that my brother decided to move out. (That should have happened a long time ago, but he is so much of a homebody that nothing else really motivated him to go before.) My mom is fully aware and concerned about Robert's issues, and I listen to her, but I don't voice my concerns. I don't think it is my place to talk about her husband, whether she would agree with me or not. So I just stew with my thoughts about the situation.

Robert surprised us when he brought Joe home with him one day. They had discussed having a small dog, but they weren't in a financial position to be having another animal. And a pure breed Maltese no less! $400 up front, and then all the vet bills and food and other things. $400 was a deal for a dog like that, but still a lot of money they didn't really have. Naturally though, we've all fallen in love with our little Joe, in spite of his tendency for mischief. It would be sad to lose him now, he's only seven months old. I call him "The Puppy," much like one "The Maxwell." Anyways, I'm kind of stuck here at home for now. I'm in school and haven't worked since December, and my money is almost gone. Even when I get a job, it'll still be awhile before I can afford to move out. Until then, I'll have to put up with Robert and his lapses in judgement. There are so many more, but I'd rather not go into detail. It's not that I don't like Robert, it's that I have a hard time respecting him. A man of his age and apparent intelligence should not display such a lack of common sense.

*-Robert's name has been changed for the purposes of anonymity.

Hitting the Road

I'm going to Richland, WA this weekend with my brother and step-sister. Our kid sister turned 8, and kid brother turned 16 this month. They've held off the baptism and ordination so we could be there. It's a 9 hour trip or so, we'll be getting there around 7 or 8 PDT. Unfortunately the weather is cold and rainy, and it is a holiday weekend, so we need to be on our toes. But it'll be good to go up and see everybody. It's been about a year and a half since I was there last. Hope you all have a good Memorial Day weekend!