One Week In

My first week on the job is done and I'm happy to report it has been a good week. I've designed a wedding announcement, done a few business cards, run the envelope press, made all kinds of copies, gone on several delivery runs, and generally learned a lot. This job has me up in the mornings at the same time as Am, so we've had breakfast together four days this week, and that has been quite nice. All the people I work with are friendly and good natured, so that is a bonus. The amount of jobs coming through our doors has been light this week, which is bad for the bottom line, but good for me learning at a steady pace rather than having too much to do and getting frustrated.

I like the work, I'm getting paid to do it, and in a friendly environment, not a bad arrangement.

Minuteman Offer

Well, it took all day, and I got pretty worried there when I hadn't heard back by the end of business hours, but...

I GOT THE JOB!

Minuteman Update

I sent in my resume on Friday and then spent the weekend with my in-laws. We went camping at a church campground called Cinnamon Creek. It was supposed to be a ward camp-out, but there were only 4 families there, but I guess that was alright, since we got to know the few people that were there better than if the whole ward was there. We played some soccer and glow-in-the-dark Ultimate Frisbee, had s'mores and dutch oven cooking, and went canoeing. Then on Sunday, my recently returned missionary brother-in-law gave his "homecoming" talk and even more family came for the talk and dinner. I've been greatly blessed, not only with a wonderful wife, but with a great new extended family.

As far as the job opportunity goes, I told Am yesterday morning that if the guy didn't call me by noon that I would call him. And then, right around noon, he called! We set up the interview for 3 that afternoon. So I quickly got ready, rushed over to my mom's to print off some of my newer pieces to go in my portfolio, and realized that I'd left my portfolio at home. But before I took off for the interview, the guy called and said that he was stuck down in Provo and asked if we could move it back. So we set it up for 10 this morning.

I went in, and I think that the interview went well. It is a modest little company, but seems to be pretty stable as most of the people there have worked there for years. Afterwards, the guy said that he had a few more interviews to do, but that he would make his decision by tomorrow, and let me know whether I got the job or not. I thanked him for the opportunity of just coming in for the interview, since it's been almost a year since my last real job interview. He said that my friend highly recommended me, but that he would have brought me in just based on my education. That made me feel pretty good.

So stay tuned for an update!

Minuteman Prospects

I heard from a friend that she is leaving her position as head designer at a local press shop, and suggested that I apply for the position. She feels that I would be the most qualified person to apply for the job thus far, and they want to hire ASAP. The thing is, it is a full-time position, so I would have to drop my classes at UVU to accept the job. I keep hearing from design people that it is not the degree that gets you work, it is the portfolio. I could possibly maintain half-time status at UVU by taking classes in the evenings, to stave off the repayment of student loans. However, the class selection is not that great, at least this upcoming semester. There are two art classes that I would want to take, but they are held at the same time.

If I was offered the job, though, it would be perfectly suited to my skill set. And the title of "Head Designer" sure would look snazzy on a resume. It would also prove to be a balm to my confidence to know that I am desirable to employers. This has recently been a worry of mine, as hardly anyone has asked me in for an interview after all the resumes and applications I have sent and completed. My friend tells me that I have a very good shot, especially since she is the one referring me.

Thoughts?

School's Out for Summer!

Blessed release! The semester is finally over! I think I will sleep in tomorrow. But not for long. I have to finish up some designs for Doctrine & Covenants Scripture Mastery over at Latter-DayVillage.com. But tonight I am taking my wife out on a date. We are going to a concert (Thanks Hannah!) and out to eat (Thanks Tucanos!) for a day-late birthday celebration. My wife is now 26 years old. When the Primary sang to her on Sunday I almost couldn't sing along, I was so glad that we are married. I love her so much!

I also love her folks! For our birthdays they are paying for half of the cost of season tickets for BYU Football this coming season. That means no more tracking down scalpers or watching home games from the neighborhood clubhouse! Rah Rah rararaaaaahhhh! Go Cougars!

Art Show

It has been awhile! I just wanted to throw this out there to anyone who may have missed the announcement on Facebook. If you happen to be in Utah anytime during April, head over to the Woodbury Museum on the second floor of the University Mall in Orem. The entrance is on the east end of the mall by Nordstrom's. There you can see my piece entitled, "Robby". We will see on Monday if I'll be able to say "award winning" piece, or not. Either way I am in the UVU Student Art Show! I submitted the piece more for a grade in one of my classes than in hopes that it would actually be selected. I figured others who put their heart and soul into their artwork would be selected before me. I submitted the only thing that qualified and it was a piece I did for a class that I was taking just for fun. My teacher figured presentation had a lot to do with my being selected. I spent a lot of money on framing it, a lot of money I was not so sure I should have spent. But it has paid off. Especially if I win a cash prize!

On a completely separate note, Am and I have been together over a year now. Saturday the 20th marked one year from our first date. I can hardly believe how much my life has changed for the better since then. Thanks for saying yes, Am! I Love you!

Less Than Five Days

I don't know how much it has set in yet that my world is completely changing in less than five days. I started trickling my things over to Am's condo a few days ago. Hopefully it won't take too long before it feels like OUR place. It'll be SO nice to cut the small commute out of our schedules. And to settle into a married schedule. While dating and including the engagement we've tried to spend as much time together as we could, and our sleep habits have gotten wonky. It'll be nice to be together AND get a good night's rest. But there are so many other adjustments to be made and discussions to have. But I am ready to get into it. I don't think I'll miss being single too much.

School is going well. My classes are fun and challenging, and are definitely learning experiences. I am seeing that my time at S-H was good preparation for UVU, but I still have a lot to learn.

We've decided to go down to Cedar City instead of the Oregon Coast. Less driving, more resting, less cold, more warmth. Oregon will come at some point for us, I still think it will be fun, but we don't need to have a second vacation to recuperate from the first.

12 Days

Am and I have just attended our last 3 hour block at the singles ward. There are a lot of good memories there. I have had the privilege of being in one great singles ward after another for the last 8 years, but the last 3 that I spent more than 3 months in have really stood out. Bishops Petersen, Davis, and Roberts have been phenomenal! They set the tone for their wards, but there have been so many friendly and faithful people in those wards that were just as responsible for the atmosphere at church. I'll miss them all.

But now I am (finally) moving into the next phase of life. If it is possible to be both ready and woefully unprepared at the same time, then I think that describes me well. But I know that I have found a "one", and I'm making her my "only". I've never been happier. And yet, I see greater happiness still to come. It seems like I am seeing the world with new eyes. The possibilities are endless.

And then there is this endurance thing we have to go through. The next 12 days will be an endurance test for sure. I can hardly believe that I am getting married, and that I have found someone so amazing to share the rest of my life with. At times I feel like I don't deserve the blessings I've been given, but I'll never turn them away.

A Little Announcement...

I am now engaged to be married to one Amber Kuhn of Houston, Texas.

Meet the Parents

I've had the opportunity to spend some time around Am's parents this week. They are good people, and I'm glad she has the wonderful family she does. But this week has felt like an extended job interview. I felt like I was being weighed in the balance and hoped that I wouldn't be found wanting.

Last night her dad told me that they felt like I respected their daughter, that they were glad that we were seeing each other, and that I had made a good first impression. And he said that if we would go to the temple for baptisms, then they would know we were being good. This definitely makes me feel relieved. 

Envelope

I don't want to go into too many details, but things are going well.  I will say that I am learning not to second guess thoughts I have, at least in regards to Am. Like asking her out, for example. Even a couple of months ago, I would have had the thought to ask a girl out, but then decide against it for whatever reason.  But I asked Am right when the thought came to me.  And it totally paid off.  There have been several similar thoughts, and they all have paid off in similar fashion. Like delivering flowers to her school, among others. The results have been satisfying. 

In Case of Confusion

In case of any confusion about how I feel about Am after the last post, I'm quite happy with how things have gone thus far.  You could even say we are officially dating.  (As if people have to fill out paperwork to get 'official' status.)

What A Difference a Week Makes

So, there's this girl. She's relatively new in the ward here. I started talking to her after FHE several weeks ago now. It was just friendly, get-to-know-you kind of stuff. Then I started sitting by her at church. It started out as, "I need a place to sit, there is an open spot on the aisle, so I'll sit there." I talked with her after FHE the next week. We seemed to be connecting on certain things, but I thought she dominated the last hour of our conversation. I wasn't sure what that meant. I kept sitting by her at church. I talked to her again after FHE last week, but this time she let me dominate the conversation. So I figured asking her on a date was long over due. She had plans for friday, but was open on Saturday. Except we had stake conference this weekend. Well, we could do something after the Saturday evening session. Then her Friday plans fell through. So we bumped up our plans a day. We spent all night talking at her place.

We still had conference to go to the next night, so we kept the plan to go together.  This is where things changed.  We'd been scooting a bit closer together throughout the first part of the meeting.  And then she asked me a question:

"Could you do me a favor?"

"Yeah, absolutely.  What do you need?"

"Could you put your arm around me?"

It wasn't what I had expected, but I wasn't about to turn her down.  

We've now done something every night since then. This has all gone kind of fast for me. I've been in somewhat of a similar situation before, however. Some of you may know something about another girl I dated a few years back named Linda. That went really fast. Ever since Linda and I broke up, I've been really cautious about girls. Too cautious. I felt like I needed to be absolutely sure about a girl before I even asked her out. But that took so long that the moment passed and nothing happened.

This has been fast, but not as fast as with Linda. This has been different. I feel like taking this chance has been validated, at least so far. I don't want to jump to any conclusions.  I just want to see where this new situation takes me. It's been awhile for me, and this feels pretty good so far.

Percolation

I've been having some thoughts bubbling up recently, and I thought I'd put them out there.  It kind of started when I commented on Tim's blog entry about modern political tea parties.  The bulk of my response wasn't so much about the tea parties, but about the recent HBO miniseries John Adams adapted from the biography written by David McCullough.  

I really liked parts of it, and hated other parts when I watched it.  Here is this great man, that had so much to do with gaining our independence from Britain in getting the continental congress to join together to sign off on the Declaration.  And then he is sent to be an ambassador to France where his talents and abilities are absolutely wasted.  He was ill treated by Benjamin Franklin in France, the same man who had guided him to success back in Philadelphia.  That made me sick.  Then he is sent to Great Britain after the war to be ambassador there, and he starts getting all these imperial notions. When he finally gets back to America, his children are grown and he hardly knows them at all. He wasn't around for the composition of the Constitution either.  He struggled as Vice President under Washington, trying to be useful, yet stay out of the political machinations between Jefferson and Hamilton.

The strife between Jefferson and Adams grew when Adams was elected President.  Looking at it, it never made sense how the second place candidate became Vice President.  Jefferson and Adams were friends, yet they had very different political views, and Jefferson totally undermined Adams.  He had these very negative pamphlets published about Adams.  It was disgusting.  And then there were Adams later years as his family kind of fell apart.  So sad.  But then he bit the bullet and made the first gesture to reconcile with Jefferson.  They corresponded back and forth for their last few years.  On the 50th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, both men died within hours of each other.

There is a scene near the end of the series where Adams and his son John Quincy view the famous painting by John Trumbull of the signing.  He criticized the painting for being inaccurate.  The Continental Congress was not so neatly organized or seemingly serene.  It was filled with regular men, with regular passions and short comings.  And looking back, I know why I hated the series in parts.  It didn't jive with the common perception I had of the Founding Fathers.  In my mind, they had been nearly deified.  But they were, in fact, just men.

This is what triggered the thoughts I've had recently.  The Founding Fathers were not gods, they were imperfect, regular men.  But they lived during extraordinary times, and were called upon to do extraordinary things.  And they did them.  They accomplished great things.  So often we tell ourselves that we could never achieve great things.  We don't count ourselves worthy or able to do these things.  But that is because we think of our heroes as being otherworldly.  We see in ourselves our own weaknesses, but those who accomplish great things we think of as being nearly perfect.  But they are not perfect.  On the flip side, when we find out that our heroes made terrible mistakes, we discount the great things they did do.  It is important for us to come to terms with this dichotomy within everyone, but especially ourselves.  Not to minimize our own accountability, but to realize that even though we are not perfect, that is no reason to despair and count ourselves out.

Tabling Things For Awhile

Why is it easier to talk about things, i.e. feelings for another person, after the potential for a relationship with that person is cut off? I do know why, because there is no more risk involved, there is no more pressure. But why does it have to be that way? Ever since people developed finding pools of more than one, it has been this way. Wouldn't it be easier and more effective if it was no big thing to know how much interest someone had in you from the beginning? That it was no big deal to be perfectly honest with another person about your feelings for them? People wouldn't be getting their hopes up just to be dashed later on, they would know right away.

Instead, we all play this game, whether intentionally or not. He complimented me this way. She touched me here. He helped me do this. She sat next to me at the party. He didn't make eye contact. She sounded bored. It just goes on and on.

It has to be for some reason though. Every single person has to deal with it to some extent or another. It's not like it is some unique phenomenon to one person. So obviously, it must be important to the human experience... somehow... It's "opposition in all things" in action. Help people appreciate something truly good when it finally works out. Well, if that's the case, then I know some people that are going to be seriously appreciative at some point. Because I've been picking up this theme a lot recently, from quite a few different sources.

Actually, based on the timing of things falling apart for me, again, I know exactly what is going on, for me at least. It's a test. A test that I've been given time and time again. One that I haven't exactly passed with flying colors. It's either: a girl comes into my life and motivates me to get things straight, or I've decided to get things straight and then a girl comes along. Either way, they are taken away to see how I react. Will he keep doing the things he needs to for the right reasons in the absence of the girl? And unfortunately, I don't have a great track record to this point. But then, if I did, maybe I wouldn't be given the test as often, if at all. So now I am more cognizant of this particular test, I should be expecting the girls to start lining up soon, right? But I'll still have to deal with the game though. I certainly can't expect that to change all of a sudden.

Oh yeah, I've missed a couple of days of gratitude posts. Trying to catch up feels intimidating at this point though, so I'm not going to try to do so today. I'll just do one for today.

I'm grateful for second chances. And third chances. And fourth chances. And Umpteenth chances. Everyone deserves another chance. I'm grateful for all the chances I've been given. Life would be too depressing otherwise. I'd never have hope for something good. Everyone deserves something good, right?

A Little Rant and BG4

A friend shared this link on Facebook today. It's a debate between an atheist and a Christian pastor, moderated by a journalist for Newsweek.

I'm not particularly a fan of debates like these. It is like Alma and Korihor - he said, he said. Nothing the one says is going to convince the other on the points that they differ on.

Mr. Harris is quite poisonous IMO. He insists that morality and altruism can be achieved without faith. Mr. Warren attributes that need that most people have for doing good to be from God. Mr. Harris cannot deny that people feel that need for purpose, because to do so would alienate his audience. But he can get them to deny the existence of God. And that's really all the Adversary needs to get his foot in the door. He doesn't need to dismantle people in one blow, he can do it a little at a time.

I just think it is funny that atheists deny the existence of God for scientific reasons, i.e. there is no proof that he exists. Einstein could not countenance the possibility of particles smaller than the atom, and yet when technology advanced, there is no denying that there are in fact protons, electrons, and neutrons. And a few years later, they discovered that there are parts smaller still, quarks and muons and such. Einstein's theories have been left behind because they cannot account for quantum mechanics. But to tell him all that we now know and say, take my word for it, he'd never believe, or at least have a hard time believing it. But you would know that you were right. Science has a way of cannibalizing itself as new discoveries are made, out with the old, in with the new. Just because we cannot see atoms and electrons and muons, does not mean they are not there. Just because we choose not to see evidence in God, does not mean he is not there. What the scientific community knows, or thinks it knows, today will not be what it knows in a year, let alone a decade or a century.

I also think it is silly for people of religion to dismiss science. Just because Hawkings' A Brief History of Time was not written by Moses or Paul and included in the Bible does not make it a lie. To say that God took 65 million years or longer to create the earth instead of snapping his fingers or wiggling his nose like a pop culture wizard, does not take away any of the awe and wonder we should have in the Creation.

And I was wondering what I was going to be grateful for today! I am grateful for my faith. I am grateful that it is not exclusionary. I am glad that rationality has a place in my belief system. But also that all the competing theories and breakthroughs and changes in scientific understanding will not whip me about like a boat on a stormy sea. All the theories and mysteries of the universe are secondary. They are fun to think about, but are not necessary for me to comprehend even a fraction, as long as I have faith in God and the Atonement of His Son.

Good Sometimes

A comment on the previous post made me think about a conversation I was a part of the other day. My mom and I were talking with our neighbor about parenting (I was mostly listening). And my mom mentioned how sometimes when she would get mad at me and my brother, she would yell, and sometimes scream. And then she would feel terrible, like she was a failure, that she wasn't a good mother. One day when I was very young, she was feeling particularly bad about her perceived failures when she walked in on me watching Mister Roger's Neighborhood. I was singing a version of a song I heard on the show. I have included in it's entirety at the end of this post. I sang:

Sometimes kitties are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same kitties who are good sometimes
Are the very same kitties who are bad sometimes.

Sometimes mommies are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same mommies who are good sometimes
Are the very same mommies who are bad sometimes.

A lot of times, we think in terms of black and white. Things are either good, or they are bad. When we do good things we feel we are on top of the world. But when we make bad decisions, we forget or discount the good things that we have done, and we just focus on the bad things. We can bring ourselves down pretty low, even to the point of feeling worthless. I think it is hard for us to reconcile the fact that good people can make bad decisions, especially within ourselves. Even Nephi of old dealt with this issue. "Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul greiveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me." (2 Ne 4:17-18) See the rest of 2 Nephi 4 because it has a lot to do with the rest of the post.

I think it is important to remember we have dual natures. The classic cartoon representation of this is a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. We need to realize that we are good, we just make mistakes. We need to realize that the good advice we give each other is the same advice we need to follow in our own lives. When people compliment me, one of the first things I do is think, "If only you knew about X, if only people knew." I know I am a good person, but reconciling that with my bad choices is hard to do. I'm not saying that we need to accept the bad, live with the bad, wallow in the bad. What I think we need to accept is that we are good. Live with the good. Wallow in the good. We have a great aid in doing this. We celebrate his birth in about 3 weeks. We need to trust in Him. I don't say this because I am particularly good at it, because I'm not. But It's what I would tell anyone else, so why shouldn't I follow it?

So I want to ask what you think. What do you do to reconcile the differences within yourselves? And if you have a hard time doing that, what advice would you give me? And then I would challenge you to turn around and follow that advice.

Again, here are the lyrics to the song I sang a real long time ago. It helped my mom remember that she was not a bad mother. Hopefully, it will remind you that you aren't bad either.

Sometimes People Are Good

Sometimes people are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...

Sometimes people get wet.
And their parents get upset.
But the very same people who get wet sometimes
Are the very same people who are dry sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...

Sometimes people make noise
And they break each other's toys.
But the very same people who are noisy sometimes
Are the very same people who are quiet sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...

Sometimes people get mad
And they feel like being bad.
But the very same people who are mad sometimes
Are the very same people who are glad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me and...

Sometimes people are good
And they do just what they should.
But the very same people who are good sometimes
Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
It's funny, but it's true.
It's the same, isn't it for me...
Isn't it the same for you?

© 1967 Fred M. Rogers

What Am I So Anxious About?

Or is this just the effects of food poisoning?

I'm feeling something, whatever it is.

It's against my recent policy, not that I've been good at following it in the past, but I feel like I've got to say something to release the tension inside me. There's a girl. Before you jump to conclusions, I haven't even asked her out yet. But I am picking up some positive vibes from her, and have all summer long. And I want to reciprocate.

Why has it taken so long, why have I put off all summer what I felt to do back in May? No good reason, especially considering my recent post about wasting time. I was still getting over the departure of my ex-girlfriend in May, and my car was out of comission until last month. I didn't have a lot of contact with this girl in august, so I imagined that her interest had probably waned. I shouldn't have worried. After the party over at her place last night, I have no doubt she is still very much interested.

She's a few years older than me, and in the past I would've never even considered someone that much older. But I find that, in her case anyway, her years help her appreciate my life path, rather than look down on it. She's been a teacher going on five years now, but it seems she has had just as meandering a path as I have followed. She's intelligent, funny, caring, and respectful of others. She's also pretty patient, the fact that she hasn't given up on me, despite my inaction, tells me that.

But I am nervous. I am almost certain she'll agree to go out with me once I ask. But it has been awhile since I asked anyone out. And if the vibes I am detecting are true, it could get serious quickly. I'm just afraid that I am getting ahead of myself again. I tend to do that, and then I go into freefall when things don't work out.

Daily Obedience

So, staying on target with my resolutions hasn't been easy. One thing or another inspires me for a day or two, and then I start slipping back into old habits. I spoke with my bishop the other day, and he said we had to decide to do what was right every single day, no matter what. That seems daunting, but I think it is possible, it has to be. So I was wondering what you, my intrepid readers, had to say about staying on task. When things are difficult, what do you tell yourself to hold on for a little more?

Standing For Something

It is said that a prophet is never appreciated in his own time. We read over and over in Scripture how the prophets of old were persecuted, reviled, and slain by the people of their generation, and then are revered by later generations. I think it was because those prophets were not around anymore to disagree with the people, so they could be interpreted any way that suited the people.

I think by and large that while we don't revile and stone our modern prophets in such visible ways, many still turn a deaf ear to their words. It may not even be an active or wantonly purposeful decision to ignore them, but people let their lives get in the way. So much is going on that no lingering thought is given to their words.

President Gordon B. Hinckley passed away on Sunday, January 27, 2008. As I listened to KSL radio on my way to school the next day, I started to realize that while I loved hearing him speak at conference time and other occasions, I was just as guilty of ignoring the prophet as the people I have described. He was the prophet of my teenage years and early adulthood. I don't recall much of General Conferences before he was called. Much of my spiritual thought has been triggered and shaped by his words and deeds, and yet for all that, still I did not fully appreciate what it meant to have a living prophet. It was easy to say that I followed the prophet because I stayed away from much of the negative influences of the world while growing up. But President Hinckley was not really about the 'don'ts,' he was about 'doing'. And that's where I feel I have always lacked.

Recently I have posted that I want to break the lesser patterns of my life. To honor President Hinckley and his message is to continue with my goals. But I need to add to those goals. Within a few short days, the next prophet will be set apart. I challenge myself to follow the next prophet in the manner that I should have followed President Hinckley, not just at conference time, but everyday, in everything. If you feel a little bit like I have, then I challenge you to do the same.