The Man Who Knew Too Little

If you have never seen the Bill Murray classic The Man Who Knew Too Little, you are really missing out. I don't think people put it up there with Groundhog Day or What About Bob?, but it is hilarious. I watch it if I am having a bad day, and it always picks me up. Anyway, it's about this bumbling guy that thinks he's in some kind of audience participation theater, but he is really caught up in the conspiracy to restart the Cold War. He thinks it's all just an act, so he goes along with it.

The other night I had a dream like that. Except it was the other way around. It was like Candid Camera, or The Truman Show but it was an adventure story. I thought it was all real, only to find out at the end that it was all an act. The kicker was that there were people that I thought were dead, that weren't really dead. In the dream I had a girlfriend that I thought was now dead, but she walked into the debriefing room and I was floored. In the course of the adventure I'd fallen for another woman, but she had really fallen for me too, so I was confused as to what to think. I'd only moved on because I thought the first woman was dead, except she wasn't dead. But I was happy in the current relationship, how would I reconcile that?

I woke up from the dream and thought, "nice try." It doesn't make me feel much better about my current situation, but it does make me think. What is the human capacity for love? How many can be included? On the one hand I don't believe in there being a, "one and only." But on the other, I believe in monogamous relationships. I think of another film, Dan, in Real Life, with Steve Carrell. Is it a betrayal to remarry after the death of a spouse? I think I would have an extremely hard time in that situation.

There is a certain seeming randomness to attraction. There are certain things that I think I find attractive, but no two women I've been interested in over the years have looked anything alike. Tall and short, blonde, brunette, and auburn, petite and full figured, my interests have run the table. But love is different than mere attraction. It is a decision. It is an action. A stake president once said that there were probably many women he could have been happy with, but he chose to be happy with his wife. And he'd chosen that everyday since they were married.

Dating is so mercenary. When you are dating you are looking for what is best for you, which is completely opposite of what marriage is supposed to be. When you are married, you are no longer number one, you are 1-B, at least to yourself. That should be fine, as you ideally become 1-A for your spouse. (Correct me if I've got that wrong married people, I'm working on my observations as an outside party. I'm sure adding children changes things even more, but that is for another blog.) But when dating you are tasked with making the tricky switch from looking out for yourself to looking out for another, and you just hope they make their own switch at the same time. But if they turn around before making that switch...

As stated below, I've let go of an old girlfriend. Well, sort of. I'm letting her go without a fight, not that I have any say or power to keep her from going. But I'm half hoping she comes back on her own, and am loathe to even think of moving on. That's not really letting go then, is it?

Hard Things

Last night I did something very hard. I hope it is worth it. I let go of someone that has meant a lot to me for quite awhile. I'd forgotten, somewhat, how I'd felt about her until we saw each other for the first time in a long time. We dated a few years ago, and when we broke up, it broke my heart. I always felt that our story was not finished at that time, but I stayed away. Until this month that is. Thanks to a bizarre dream on April Fool's, we have done a few things together. It felt very much like old times. But she is leaving at the end of the week, and I may never see her again. I had hoped that somehow we could get back together, that I could somehow talk her into coming back. I realized, however, that I had no place asking her any such thing, especially being unsure how she felt exactly. I felt that I had to let go of her. I had run away when we broke up, and never really faced the issue. I'm still crazy about her. And I told her so, but I also told her that I was letting go. I'll miss her, but I'm at peace about things. I hope I did the right thing, I think I did.

Respect

I'm gaining more respect for those of you that finangle with your blog layouts. It took me awhile to figure out how to get my work on here and have it look good at the same time. I think I need to work on sizing, maybe stretch it out and use some of that open space on the right. But for now, it'll have to do. I'm tired!

Stones

I went to a play last night called Stones. Actually, it was two one-act plays. I didn't know anything about it before going, just a few lines on a poster about it being about family. So I thought it was about a family named Stone, or something else other than what it turned out to be. The production was very minimalist, but that allowed the power of the performance to be on full display. There are 4 more showings at the Covey Center for the Arts in Provo, UT, so if you find yourself that way tonight or next weekend, check it out. Tickets are normally $10, but I picked up a discount card that'll get you $3 dollars off per ticket.

I didn't know what I was in for at all. If you are looking for something light, this isn't it. There is some humor in it, just enough to make you appreciate that you are watching real people, but the subject matter is very serious. Some of the themes concern death, sacrifice, obedience, love, and family. Not for the faint of heart, but very powerful and touching in turns. I totally recommend anyone in the area to see it. I don't want to say too much about the plot, but it is very rewarding and I am so glad I saw it.

Daily Obedience

So, staying on target with my resolutions hasn't been easy. One thing or another inspires me for a day or two, and then I start slipping back into old habits. I spoke with my bishop the other day, and he said we had to decide to do what was right every single day, no matter what. That seems daunting, but I think it is possible, it has to be. So I was wondering what you, my intrepid readers, had to say about staying on task. When things are difficult, what do you tell yourself to hold on for a little more?