I am looking forward to several things in the near future. I look forward to getting into a new routine. When I go home, I'll again be at my mother's house, but I will take a more active role there. Money has been tight there for the last little while, and without getting into many details, I'll be helping out with that in a couple of ways. Also, I look forward to going back to school. I have taken so much time off and it hasn't gotten me much closer to financing my own education, until recently. However, the school I want to go to is a lot more expensive personally than BYU was. That is a bit intimidating but I am committing myself right now to do what it takes. I've been saying that I would go back to school now for a couple of years, and then I push my timetable back for one reason or another, but the buck is stopping here. I feel like I have held myself back long enough, and I hope that you, my friends, will hold me accountable.
I look forward to being home for the holidays, to seeing old friends and making new ones. I look forward to having a life outside of my job. I look forward to supporting my teams from the sidelines rather than from my computer. I look forward to being more involved and not falling back on old tired habits that keep me in place. I look forward to getting active and trimming down.
I look forward to getting back into a stable church setting. I have taken a step back the last six months or so from regular church activity, and I am feeling the toll of this. I have no excuse that can hold any water, all the reasons I have given myself over this span are empty. I feel myself to be at a spiritual low, and I want that to change. I have been somewhat reluctant to be open about this with anyone, for fear that those of you whose friendship I value would think less of me. But I realize that I am only doing myself a disservice trying to act like nothing is wrong. I worried that you may see that as some sort of betrayal of trust, and perhaps it is, but it only grows worse the longer the pretense continues. I have convictions and faith, I have just neglected them far too long.
Anyways, I have set down much more than I had planned when I started, and it is almost time for work. I guess these are my New Year's resolutions, but why wait till New Year's to get the ball rolling?
3 comments:
Bravo!
It's good that you posted them because now you can go back and re-read them when you need a refresher. I think those goals are fantastic.
On a personal note, I don't think anyone who really cares about you would look down on you for admitting that you're struggling. Perhaps this will sound cliche', but we all struggle at some point. And we're just here to rally around you.
So bravo to some impressive goals. Now stick with them, and you will see miracles in your life. (Not that life won't still have its ups and downs, but you know what I mean.)
Okay, I'm going on and on I know.... but I sure hope you know that we think you are great!!!!
Keep us posted on your fantastic goals!
I agree with Woodine. People who really care about you aren't going to think less of you just because you are struggling. In fact, that's what friends are for- to offer a helping hand when it is needed. Sometimes I forget and think I have to be really tough about things. I guess none of us want to be a burden...
Also, my mission president told me something a long time ago that has stuck with me about new years resolutions. If something is worth changing, then it's worth changing when the desire comes upon you. Don't wait until New Years just for the sake of it being the season.
And I like the idea of posting it on the blog to be held accountable.
Go fight win!
This is another reminder to me to be thinking about my New Years resolutions. Thanks.
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