The Prospect of Juggling

I'm glad that I haven't linked my facebook profile to this blog. There are more and more people in my ward that are adding me as a friend, and I don't need them reading everything that I post here. I don't want things to come back and bite me.

So I'm kind of pursuing this woman, (it is weird to say I am pursuing a woman, but 'girl' doesn't seem quite right either) and I think there is still potential there. But now I have been told that I should ask out a couple of girls in the ward the last two days. The first of these would be more of a friendly date I think, she's a nice girl, I'd just never thought about asking her out on my own. The second is one that I've been a little intrigued by recently.

I'm kind of a 'one-track-mind' guy. I've only been interested in one girl at any one time. Well, back in high school I was probably interested in multiple girls at the same time, but I was too shy or insecure to do anything with any of them, so I don't count that. There was Bethany my freshman year at BYU. I had a crush on her that whole year, during my mission, and into my first year back. There was Lisa my junior year, we did a bunch of stuff together, but it didn't pan out. Then there was Cynthia, and after her Linda. More recently, Lisa (different one), Kristana, Marcilyn, Heather, Alison, and Cynthia redux. Thinking about it, there was some over lapping of interests, but really only one focus at a time.

Now it is different. I can think of these two girls one right after the other, and be almost equally intrigued. And that is bothersome to me. It's not like I'm going steady with either of them, they aren't expecting me to be exclusive at this point, I've only had a couple of dates so far with the one, and am only slightly flirtatious with the other. But I feel to be any more than that would break some personally moral barrier. If one of them really starts to pan out, then I will need to be exclusive. And I wouldn't know how to break it off with the other.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was only me, but I think that both of them are at least somewhat interested in me as well. Do I just stop flirting with the one, and focus on the one I'm farther along with? or do I bring them both to the same level, and see which one wants to take it to the next step? Either way has its cons. I don't want to burn any bridges, but neither do I want to be a so-called player. I think both deserve my full attention, but only one can get it. Never thought I'd be in this situation.

The 'Hood Times

I finally got a job! I'm going to be doing layout work for a newspaper/tabloid. Its just getting started though, so we will see how it goes. They want to call it the New York Hood News. It will be devoted to stories that are about regular people, rather than celebrities and politicians. They want the first issue to come out in three weeks or so. It'll be interesting to see if it gets off the ground. I think it is interesting that I'll be working on this paper that will probably go out to mostly african-american communities in the south and east. I'm sure it'll expose me to cultural aspects that I haven't had too much experience with in the past. But it will get me real world experience that will be useful in the future, and that's probably the most important thing.

High Anxiety

I nearly had an anxiety attack yesterday. And I had my date. My bout of anxiety had to do with BYU's narrow victory over U-Dub 28-27. The officiators' strict adherence to the rule book after Jake Locker scored the final touchdown and threw the ball up in the air pushed the PAT back 15 yards. Who knows if this would have happened at the normal position, but the kick was low and Jan Jorgensen got far enough through the line to get his hand on the ball to preserve the lead and the victory. Man, oh man was that close! Though it shouldn't have been. Again, BYU's own mistakes almost proved to be their undoing. Collie dropped a bunch of passes that he should have caught, Unga fumbled into the endzone at the end of a 97 yard drive, and Hall was intercepted on an underthrown pass. But they still won. On the road, against a PAC-10 team. That's nothing to sneeze at!

My date went well. We had a regional Stake conference broadcast today, so last night we had the adult session with our stake presidency. That meant the date started later than is customary. So I made dinner and brought it over to her place. I made Lasagna and ceasar salad. After that, we watched The Italian Job, the original with Michael Caine, not the new one with Mark Wahlberg. After the movie we had homemade ricotta gelato (italian ice cream) with blackberry sauce. All of the food turned out very good. We were undecided on the movie, I think we both liked the remake better.

We talked before, during, and after the meal and movie. It was interesting how much we have in common, it was almost cliche, although I didn't play it like the cliche: "You like that? Omigosh! ME TOO!" It was nice though. Like I said before, we have an understanding and appreciation for our different life paths we've taken. It was just really comfortable, like I could be more myself. I think there is certainly potential there. A second date is on the horizon for sure.

What Am I So Anxious About?

Or is this just the effects of food poisoning?

I'm feeling something, whatever it is.

It's against my recent policy, not that I've been good at following it in the past, but I feel like I've got to say something to release the tension inside me. There's a girl. Before you jump to conclusions, I haven't even asked her out yet. But I am picking up some positive vibes from her, and have all summer long. And I want to reciprocate.

Why has it taken so long, why have I put off all summer what I felt to do back in May? No good reason, especially considering my recent post about wasting time. I was still getting over the departure of my ex-girlfriend in May, and my car was out of comission until last month. I didn't have a lot of contact with this girl in august, so I imagined that her interest had probably waned. I shouldn't have worried. After the party over at her place last night, I have no doubt she is still very much interested.

She's a few years older than me, and in the past I would've never even considered someone that much older. But I find that, in her case anyway, her years help her appreciate my life path, rather than look down on it. She's been a teacher going on five years now, but it seems she has had just as meandering a path as I have followed. She's intelligent, funny, caring, and respectful of others. She's also pretty patient, the fact that she hasn't given up on me, despite my inaction, tells me that.

But I am nervous. I am almost certain she'll agree to go out with me once I ask. But it has been awhile since I asked anyone out. And if the vibes I am detecting are true, it could get serious quickly. I'm just afraid that I am getting ahead of myself again. I tend to do that, and then I go into freefall when things don't work out.