I'm glad that I haven't linked my facebook profile to this blog. There are more and more people in my ward that are adding me as a friend, and I don't need them reading everything that I post here. I don't want things to come back and bite me.
So I'm kind of pursuing this woman, (it is weird to say I am pursuing a woman, but 'girl' doesn't seem quite right either) and I think there is still potential there. But now I have been told that I should ask out a couple of girls in the ward the last two days. The first of these would be more of a friendly date I think, she's a nice girl, I'd just never thought about asking her out on my own. The second is one that I've been a little intrigued by recently.
I'm kind of a 'one-track-mind' guy. I've only been interested in one girl at any one time. Well, back in high school I was probably interested in multiple girls at the same time, but I was too shy or insecure to do anything with any of them, so I don't count that. There was Bethany my freshman year at BYU. I had a crush on her that whole year, during my mission, and into my first year back. There was Lisa my junior year, we did a bunch of stuff together, but it didn't pan out. Then there was Cynthia, and after her Linda. More recently, Lisa (different one), Kristana, Marcilyn, Heather, Alison, and Cynthia redux. Thinking about it, there was some over lapping of interests, but really only one focus at a time.
Now it is different. I can think of these two girls one right after the other, and be almost equally intrigued. And that is bothersome to me. It's not like I'm going steady with either of them, they aren't expecting me to be exclusive at this point, I've only had a couple of dates so far with the one, and am only slightly flirtatious with the other. But I feel to be any more than that would break some personally moral barrier. If one of them really starts to pan out, then I will need to be exclusive. And I wouldn't know how to break it off with the other.
It wouldn't be so bad if it was only me, but I think that both of them are at least somewhat interested in me as well. Do I just stop flirting with the one, and focus on the one I'm farther along with? or do I bring them both to the same level, and see which one wants to take it to the next step? Either way has its cons. I don't want to burn any bridges, but neither do I want to be a so-called player. I think both deserve my full attention, but only one can get it. Never thought I'd be in this situation.
7 comments:
Wow.
Certainly sounds familiar.
It's certainly a tough spot to be in. A very good spot, but one that requires special handling.
And breaking it off with one is difficult, even when you haven't really been dating.
Are they both in the same ward? That could complicate things.
Give me a call, and we can talk about it.
I guess my situation was quite a bit different (I'd been going on a lot of dates with a girl, but it didn't seem to be going anywhere, when another girl I'd asked out a couple months earlier showed interest in me, and I had to make a choice).
I'd say you're safer sticking with one at a time. If it lead somewhere, great. If not, hopefully you can go back to flirting with the other girl.
Ultimately, though, it's your decision. And it's a tough one.
My first reaction was for you to make sure you are honest with the girls. That way in the long run, you aren't perceived as the player (although I admit I enjoy being a Player) but unfortunately, you don't get that luxury. Anyway, I would say make sure you are equally pursuing them, but also be sure you honestly communicate adn tell them how pretty much exactly what you just published to the world. You know the nightmare I've been through the past almost 9 months and I can say that I wish I would have been more open about everything sooner. Don't keep secrets-it'll damage both relationships, and dating 2 girls at the same time is in essence a secret and slightly deceiving. (So that was my first reaction)..However, after thinking about it. I also remember what it felt like when said guy of the past 9 months decided to inform me that he for 2 weeks he had been going on dates with someone at the while he was back home. My first reaction was "Wow, apparently I mean nothing to him" and I had promised myself a long time ago that I didn't want to be the back burner girl, so I decided to drop the competetion and give up. (That could be one possible reaction of these girls) or #2 is what I ended up doing after thinking more about how badly I really wanted to be with him. I fought for him and told him how I really felt about him, about us, about how great we would be together. (And that could be another possible reaction from these girls). So that's my advice. Tell them the truth, not labeling either as your girlfriend, but clearly stating your sincere interest in them (and heck..feel free to tell them specifically why--girls like that). Even though said guy pretty much broke my heart, he gave me a lot of amazing compliments in the process that have made me realize he's the one with the problem, not me.
Girl 1, or B, is not in my ward, but is friends with many people that are, and lives in the ward boundaries if she came to the singles ward. I am too invested in pursuing B at the moment to drop things with her.
I've not even gone on one date with S yet, but I see her more often just by virtue of her being in the ward.
Things wouldn't be as hard, I think, if B was in the ward. My interest in her would have gotten back to S before this point, and we wouldn't be having this conversation. At least, I think we wouldn't. As it is, neither one sees me being interested in the other. So it is secretive, not by design, just by circumstance.
I don't know if I am far enough along with either of them at the moment to be able to say, "hey, I like you, but there is this other girl that I'm interested in, too," and have one of them stick around. To be totally honest with both about the situation, I can see them both wishing me good luck with the other one, and then I end up with neither.
No one wants to be on the same stove with another person, let alone on the back burner.
The biggest thing is that I still don't know either really well, and S less than B. I'd like to get to know them both better, without ending up with people's feelings hurt.
My wife says you should consider going on dates with both of them until one of them becomes a little more serious (holding hands, etc.) I don't think feelings will get hurt badly unless you're serious with one and, at the same time, asking the other one out.
Another possibility--pursue the first one a little more aggressively (start asking her out twice a week, maybe) and see if it pans out...and hold off asking the other one out for a while, but still stay friends with her.
Whatever you choose, this is a good time to be going on a lot of dates.
Ooh, I agree with Tim's cute wife! You're not "two-timing" unless you really are steadily pursuing one and there is more going on (ie holding hands, etc.) Otherwise, I say, take both out until you decide where you want to focus. And DON'T feel a need to disclose all of your other possible interests. Let me tell you, as a woman you feel pretty lousy if someone tells you you're option #2 - it quenches all interest quickly not to mention some personal pride. My guess is they're still open to other options too - for right now. The night before Wood and I decided to be exclusive I had a date with a different guy. I had committed to the date and Wood and I weren't "officially" exclusive so I still went on it. That was my last date with anyone else (thankfully). So this was my long way of saying, I agree with the last comment!
To go along with Woodine--I had two dates planned for the Saturday following Christmas break in '06. I visited April on Friday night, decided I was going to pursue her, then on Saturday went on a lunch date with the other girl and we discussed our "relationship" (if you could call it such) and decided it wouldn't work out. Then that evening I went out with April. Things moved quickly from there.
So don't stress it until you've made a decision.
Hmmm. This is all very interesting. I have nothing valid to add, but I like everyone's comments. And good luck with the pursuit. And I want to hear the outcome. :)
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